Dear N.R.,
Remember the first day we met? It was my first day and the only friend I had made so far introduced me to you. Later, he said you were an asshole. But I still felt bad when you asked me out and I turned you down. I told my sister about you and she didn’t like that you were older than me. A year and a half later, you were still in love with me. And I… I was falling in love with you. Despite everything, despite that everyone I knew hated you. Now I hate you too. How do you feel knowing you have pushed everyone today? How do you feel knowing that you are one of the worst things to ever happen to me? You bullied me, you harassed me, you insulted my friends and told them to kill themselves, you use gay slurs, you accused me of crimes I didn’t commit, you talked about me behind my back, you’re misogynistic as fuck and you know what happened when I told? Everyone told ME to shut up and sit down, everyone blamed ME for what you did. This is all because of YOU. And when I look into your eyes, I don’t see any affection. I don’t see anything at all. You don’t see me as a person. You never did. I did everything I was supposed to. I don’t talk to you, I avoided you, I made sure we don’t have any classes together, I don’t go into rooms you’re in, and when you still insult me I say nothing. I can’t go into a room you’re in without you yelling at me. And you know what the worst part is? The two thoughts I have when I see you are “oh no he’s here” and “god he’s attractive.” Isn’t that sick? That after all this time I would consider bringing you back into my life if you apologized. You made me hate myself. I had never cried over a boy before you. I have to let you go. But, before, I have two things to tell you:
1. Someday your parents won’t be around to protect you with their money and reputations. Not like they protect you now for any reason other than to protect their own reputations. (You know they always loved your brother more than you.)
2. Someday you’re going to sexually harass someone, or sexually assault them, or rape them. But, by that time, I’ll be a lawyer. And you know what I’ll be doing? Protecting women from men like you.
So you can burn in hell for all you’ve done. Anything bad that comes your way is your fault, not mine. And now you are reduced to your initials, just like every other person whose name I won’t say aloud.
So… Bye.
I hope I mean it this time.
– the one you let get away