Dear Oliver. 
First of all i love you. I love you with all my heart, and you’re the first boy i’ve ever loved and you’re my best friend. You have always treated me right but with my muslim background it just can’t be the two of us. You live 47 minutes from me in car, but 2 hours in public transport. I’m tired of lying to my parents about where i’m sleeping over and where i’m going and always being scared that i’m gonna get caught. I love you with all my heart. I’ve never met a person with such a beautiful heart as you. 

You got so much passion and love for me. Before i met you, i never wanted to commit to something. I never wanted a boyfriend because i didnt wanna feel trapped. I wanted to do whatever i wanted without hurting anyone but since you came into my life and showed me everything things have changed for me. I wish that things were different but i just cant lie to my parents anymore. I wish i could tell my mom all about you and be happy but my parents would never be happy for me. I could never end things between us and thats why im trying to make you end things. but you wouldn’t. 

You told me that you believed in us and we could figure something out. But i don’t believe in us, im sorry. You deserve so much better. You deserve an open relationship where you dont have to feel trapped. This isn’t a healthy relationship, baby. God, i love you so much and i have to let you go some time soon. I dont want to, baby but i love you wayy too much keep you when i know that there is something out there better for you than this. Maybe in the future when we get older and i’ve moved out so things will be easier. i can’t promise, baby but there’s a chance. I’m so in love with you and im so lucky to have you. You are so real and honest and god how can you even be real? How can you handle me? Im so crazy and im such a bitch but you treat me so right and you can put me in my place when needed. 

Baby, i love you so much and i’m so in love with you. I’m normally a really selfish person but i can’t be selfish with you. I never understood love until i met you, stupid. I love your laugh, our bitch fights, our ups and our downs. There is no one i’d rather fight with than you. There is no one i’d rather stay up till 4am and fight with than you. I see a future with you later, but right now, baby we don’t stand a chance, i’m so sorry. 

I love you always and forever, baby.

PS; we’re still in a relationship but we are right now trying to figure out what to do.