Sam,

I doubt you will ever read this but I need to say this for me as much as I need to say it to you.

In the one year we had together, I knew in the second month I was in trouble. You were like a breath of fresh air. You were unlike any guy I’ve ever been with; so confident, witty, just an all around attractive personality. It made up for the long distance between us. For me, I can honestly say I was head over heels, smitten, crazy in love with you. You were my first real love. I remember when you told me that you thought I was your soul mate, I cried of happiness for the very first time. I couldn’t believe I was so lucky to find you. But I was so blinded and naive that I never noticed how you were treating me.

When you didn’t call or text for days I made up excuses. When some chick answered your phone and you told me some crazy girl who liked you stole it, I believed you. It wasn’t until this random girl messaged me and asked me to stop calling HER boyfriend that something clicked for me. She told me she knew about me and that you guys talked about me. Told me stuff about me that I told you… That’s when I died.

Did you know I didn’t leave my apartment for days? I didn’t know I could cry that much for that long. I shouldn’t have answered your calls. Listening to you making excuses and saying she’s just a friend who has liked you… It just made me more sad because I didn’t know how dumb I was for that long. I’m glad I hadn’t booked my flight to come see you before finding out.

But you cried when I ended it, and that has haunted me. I’m sad still. I don’t know why but I still think about you, all these years later. You have ruined relationships for me as its not easy for me to trust, but I still long to feel how I felt when I was most happy with you.

But was it even real? I can’t even trust that anymore…