This post was kindly sponsored by True North.
Ever craved the opportunity to sit down with your ex and talk? To get the truth, once and for all? Once time had passed and wounds had (perhaps) healed, and you’d both moved on? What if you had the chance to ask those burning questions you never got answers to… and perhaps walk away with a lighter heart?
Well, if you’re in the UK, you have an ex you keep in touch with and you’re BOTH game for a potentially heart-pounding experience, a new Channel 4 reality show is casting for ex-couples to take part.
It’s an intriguing idea. I’ve had a gazillion conversations with exes in my head, over the years – as anyone who’s suffered a broken heart probably has. Of course, we all move on in time; new lives and lovers and spouses and kids and fresh memories take over, but I reckon some experiences – particularly those in love – will always haunt us. Usually, I think it’s because we just don’t know why. Why someone fell out of love. Whether they regret their actions. How they could’ve told you they wanted to work on it but were really planning to leave. Whether they ever played hide the sausage with that slightly skanky barmaid at your local, despite hotly denying it. Or whether – gulp – they still think about you. Cue brain explosion.
And it begs the question: do we all need closure to truly put something to bed, or should some questions just remain unanswered at the end of a relationship? Is closure even a THING? Maybe – just maybe – doing something like this when you’ve healed and moved on is the best way to get it rather than at the toxic, traumatic breakdown stage. What do you guys think? Is it something you’d ever do?
If you’d like to find out more or see what’s involved, there are several ways to contact the producers and submit details / questions at www.truenorth.tv/letstalk. Or check out the show’s Facebook or Twitter pages for updates. They’re seeking ex couples, as well as current couples and potential partners as well.
Over to you, letter-writers… What’s the one question you’d ask your ex if you had the chance?
Did sum one get yous to send this to me IE a ex
(re: “a gazillion conversations with exes in my head”) Whew- it’s nice to know that it’s not just me. In the 6-ish years since the end of . . . it, I’ve conducted hundreds (maybe) of fantasy conversations in my head with my ex-lover. And while, on some level, I know that rehashing what we did, how it ended, and what I would like to say to her (still) is probably unhealthy, it’s something I do. Middle-aged men like myself seek relevance, importance, and the semblance of being desirable, even as an echo of what was. I’ve self-psychoanalyzed myself dozens of times and have concluded that hanging onto these emotions, in the form of imaginary conversations, is (in technical terms) coo-coo for coconuts. 🙂 The end of the affair was messy, painful, and contentious; as they tend to be. But, to her credit, she sent me an e-mail a few years after she pulled the plug in a search for “closure.” It was bold, but then she’s always been the brave one- since we were kids; 17 and only briefly together (she went back to her home country after a year in the States). It was . . . good to get her note and I responded. Knowing the danger that lurked, even in a “closure” e-mail, we terminated communication quickly. I received a final voicemail (I think she knew that actually speaking with me would be impossible because of the emotions involved) as we concluded our joint “closure.” I loved her accent; it was a nice parting gift. She moved on (married a year or so ago) and I . . . struggle on. I keep a blog for myself only and in there, since 2012, a year after the end of the affair, I’ve poured out my heart and head. There are questions lodged in those many entries, but what I would like to ask her now is: “Do you still think of me? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Are you happy?” Most likely, her answers would not match with mine; as my questions betray the fragile male ego that led to us finding each other after 24 years of no contact. In my moments of weakness, I still think of her, wistfully. I hope she is happy and fulfilled.
All I want to know is why you didn’t call me when you were in the hospital?
After two years together I realize that you deserved so much better than me. But my question is:
“I still got butterflies in my stomach seeing you just walk down the street after two years … did you ever love me or even like me as a friend?
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