I was looking through my stuff at home and I found the letter you sent me before I left for Runcorn. I realised I never wrote back to you. I guess now is as good a time as ever. I hope this letter finds you well and gives you the context it gave me.
I won’t lie, this time apart has not been fun. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to work out what had happened to us to get to this point.
However, it has given me time to reflect on our time together. I have come to the realisation that I did not put my all into our relationship when I was away. I was so focused on surviving Runcorn, I didn’t truly see how hard it was for you. Sure, I paid money to get on a train to come home; but I wasn’t taking ownership of our relationship, leaving most of it up to you. I understand how hard that must have been and it hurts to know I may have been the cause of your sadness. I’m so sorry for putting you through that.
When we broke up, I’ll admit I was gutted. I was upset and irrational and didn’t have any answers for you. I still remember those questions. Did I love you or just being in a relationship? How could I fix it? I really screwed up there.
Now some time has passed and I have come to my conclusions, albeit a little late. I have realised I do still love you and only you. I wouldn’t change a thing about you and want all the best for you. I love your drive and your determination to be friends with everyone. I love how clever and sophisticated you are but still crack amazing jokes. I love your personality (and you’re really hot too). If you want to go away for 6 months, I would support your decision fully, as I know you would be doing something you love.
When it comes to fixing us, I realise that it can’t be fixed so easily. I don’t want a broken relationship with you. I want to build a new one with you. When we were together, you brought out the best in me. My confidence is better, I’m more sociable, more health conscious. I am now a better person because of my time with you. I’d like to thank you for that. I like to think I brought out the best in you too. I felt so comfortable around you and I think you were with me too. I loved being there for you when times got tough and spending time together doing fun things, whether it was exploring Sicily or just what was on Netflix.
I know this letter may not help my case but I have to try or I’ll never know if I had a shot. I do not expect a response, I just want you to consider all the good times we had together. Even when it hurt, it was mainly because we loved each other. I miss seeing you smile and going all mushy when you see a cute dog. I miss giving your foot rubs and our in-jokes. I miss the great sex (and it was great) and cuddles. I admit I even miss the bath bombs and when you’re non-stop tickling. I know it wouldn’t be easy but great things never are. And we were great together.
Whatever your decision, I hope you do what makes you happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.
Best wishes, Jamie
p.s. I finally bet your crossy road score. High score is 374. Balls in your court, Keen Bean. Good luck