16/11/2016

Dear SX,
It’s been 6 days since we have broken up. How are you coping through the stages of breakup? Are you currently still in rehab from the breakup? Have your friends and family know about our breakup?

I learned from H that you sounded serious that time when you said you want to try to wait for 2 years to see how it goes for our feelings for each other. You told me it’s up to me whether I want to make use of the opportunity to change myself to be a better person in this 2 years and to decide what I want in my future. I guess you were actually serious that time based on how you give me one last tight hug, one last kiss to my forehead and one last caress on my face while you were crying. H told me that if you didn’t love me, you wouldn’t have said all these to me and do all these actions towards me before we bid a mutual farewell to each other and hope to talk about it after 2 years.

I remember how I kept thinking that it was bullshit during the first 2 days of grieving of our breakup. I have begun my rehab to let myself slowly recover and heal from these broken heart. I have spoke to my friends and my godfather about it. Some of them say there might be hope for us and sometimes waiting for 2 years might be worth to wait if we still really love each other but it all depends on fate. But some of my friends doesn’t find it worth to wait and they believe there are better men out there suitable for me. They also told me to focus on my life goals and making self-improvement for myself to better for myself, my future and my future partner.

One of my friends, my capoeira senior, she said to me after 2 years I will have to ask myself whether I still think you’re the one for me after 2 years. What she said might be true because I haven’t seen your full true self and you were scared to hurt me if you ever showed it to me. But nonetheless, if fate ever allows me to choose you one more time, I really hope to love you unconditionally no matter how much you were scared of your true self.

But for now, I guess either you have already stopped loving me and focus on your career without thinking about the words you have said and mean it or you still have hopes for me after 2 years and still love me. But for now, I’m slowly trying to accept the fact that we may or may not be together and that no matter how hard I try or how long I wait after 2 years; I have to accept the fact without refuting. So this is me, saying goodbye for now to my favorite memories shared with you, those late night conversations, all those secrets we boldly opened up to each other, the hugs, the kisses, the time spent together, the hidden meetings, the us that was, and the us that could have been but we can only allow fate to decide for us both as 2 years goes by.

At the very least, I want you to know I still love you and we have to let each other go for you to fulfill your career and for me to move on.

Goodbye SX.. Love you forever and always