I still wonder what I meant for you. What was a lie, and what was not. I still wonder why you wanted to hurt me. I loved you.
I know I screwed up last time I saw you. I guess I wasn’t ready, emotionally. I really hope that wasn’t the last time we’ll see each other. You mean too much to me. I miss you. I wish the way you smell, the way you laugh, the way you make me laugh. I miss the way we fit together so well. I miss cuddling with you. I miss that the most. I miss being part of the adventure of your new life. I enjoyed being part of that journey, and I’m saddened that I may never get to see how it turns out. I still have hope for us. I still think we belong. I still think we’re meant to be. I still love you.
why did you have to let me go like you did
I mean you already let me know but why
if you were a real man you would’ve stayed by my side
If you were a real man
you wouldn’t have kept it in for so long
So what a journey it has been! A book of journal entries in hoping for a quicker healing. The process of healing needs to be faster. So I figured I write a letter in hopes it make healing faster and quicker to find myself again. I just deleted our email account. In there were all my entries. I guess I was really hoping it would be like the movie the “Notebook” where we find each other again and read them. But that’s only in movies. Love like that doesn’t exist. I try so much to move on and when I finally feel like I have something of your remembrance appears! Why? Why can’t I get you our of my system.
I’m writing this because, well I guess I feel I need to. I don’t often think about you not purposefully anyway. I’ve no real idea what you think of me, you probably see me as the archetypal evil ex as I’ll admit I’ve said and done some stuff I’m not proud off, and to portray me this way would be typical of you as you always were dramatic.
Seriously a year and a half full of roller coasters. You were my best friend, my lover, partner in crime. I instantly knew we would be together the moment we had our first conversation. You gave me a different feeling, not like most boys were I have to think of smart and funny things to say, be witty and cute and basically force it. It came so naturally. I never felt more comfortable with anyone. I feel that maybe our love was so quick and passionate, we burned right threw it.
What can I say at this point? It’s been months since we’ve had a positive meaningful conversation. Over half a year since we broke up. Plenty of time after we both started dating again. Still here we are, both heart broken. At least I am. I don’t know what you are thinking anymore. I don’t know how to think of you.
I found this in my emails…
An old message from you. Odd how that is still there. I’ve been trying to forget you for nearly eight months now. Not an easy task might I say. The email tore my heart apart the moment I saw it. Reminding me of how much we were in love with each other, how much we cared. It talks about what you thought about our most recent assignment in English class: What do you look for in a soul mate? Or something along those lines. You say that after thinking about your future, you realized that you want me in it…. Oh how things have changed. If i recall, she did break it off with me, after nearly an entire year. She later quotes that she wants our relationship to last well past high school. Ahhhh… the torturous irony.
I miss you so much. I wish I’d known when I met you 4 years ago, the things I know today. Maybe we wouldn’t have hurt each other so badly. I’m trying to forgive you. And one day. I really hope you forgive me too. I will always love you. This hurts so badly. I wish I could tell you. Hear your voice. Pretend like I don’t feel angry or resentful. Pretend I’m okay. In a perfect world, you’d pretend too. And we would be two of the happiness individuals on earth.
2 years. When I left I wrote you that I’ll never believe in love again. And here I am, two years later, stuck in my loss of hope.
I just wanted to tell you this. I love you in every way that i can. And I miss you like i cant describe. i miss the future i may have had with you. I miss the past, I miss every time i held you or kissed you, or felt you next to me.
But you know i will love you forever Dawn. Id still do anything for you. I cant forget how my heart feels i never will. Odd thing, If i get the bus and it passes near your house, i get nervous in case i see you. My heart feels like it will burst out of my chest. Every where im haunted by the ghost of what could have been. But then i never lied to you when said i love you. Even when you doubted me.
Dear Miss Drunk,maybe you will not read this,but,from the bottom of my heart,i miss you much and wish you well…it’s been months since our broke up,i tried to moved on,but,i can’t…i totally understand why you ignored me,blocked me on every social media….wherever you are now,you will always be in my prayer,i miss you,and i love you…
I was so angry at you for leaving, I was so mad that you did what you did the way you did. But I can see now how hard it must have been to follow your heart in the circumstances you found yourself in. Upon reflection of the many times you mentioned and spoke to your dear friend, I can see you were in love even then. It is true you can not help who you fall or do not fall in love with. I understand now the pressures and expectations upon you were great.
I can barely remember being yours. When I force myself to, I feel disgusting. As if I slept, kissed and “loved” a stranger. I’m not saying that you’re forgetful. I’m saying that I am glad I trusted my instincts and left you.
You were unattentive, careless in your own ways, as well as immature. I can’t only blame you for the stupid things we did because I was 89% of the reason why we came up with the ideas…but the dilemma is that you agreed with me instead of shaking your head and saying no. You suggested better ideas. You almost made me lose one of the best people in my life, my best friend, my boyfriend.
We were suppose to be something special yet you left me saying I’m selfish. You are the only one I wanted, one month away from purposing to you on our anniversary.
You brushed me aside like I meant nothing but you still tell me you truly will love me forever? How can you say that if you wouldn’t even give us a chance? I made mistakes but you weren’t willing to put in the work to make our love stronger.