Sorry I called you a sociopath…

Sorry I called you a sociopath…

Sorry I called you a sociopath…

I think you’re a scared little boy, stuck in a man’s body. I think it is so cruel that your mother has never revealed your Dad’s identity to you – not even his surname! As a result, you have just been left suspended… forever wondering. I can’t help but feel that if you had the opportunity to meet him – even just once, that you would understand yourself and who you are and then be able to open up to the emotion of love, and let lovers in…

I loved you to pieces.. you are so funny and intelligent, sexy, a talented artist, you inspired me – how could i not love you!? But then there was a massive gaping hole in our relationship which was that you couldn’t open up and let me in emotionally. If I ever tried to tap into your feelings – you would shut down. Since your early 20’s you’ve used pot constantly to numb out the pain of not knowing who you fully are – you denied this to the end, but it was SO obvious that was the reason why you were using.

It’s been 18 months since I’ve seen you as it’s too painful for me to see you even as a friend… You have left me feeling extremely sad and my heart still aches for you. I haven’t been interested in meeting anyone else since we broke up and I have been pretty bloody miserable actually. It’s affected what I think of myself (my self esteem is shot) and this in turn has affected my friendships as people don’t understand how heartbroken I really am… They think I should just build a bridge and get over it – but I just haven’t been able to… yet. I am recovering very slowly, but I fear that by the time I am over you – my best years will have passed me by. I resent you for that.

So please don’t send me anymore emails or friend requests. The temptation is still too high, and I think it always will be.

I hope you will one day find peace inside and can let yourself be loved by someone… because you do deserve to be loved as I know I do too…

BTW, sorry I called you a sociopath. I now realise your inability to show emotion is merely a side affect from never knowing who your Daddy is…

2 Comments

  1. Sharon 5 years ago

    I also had an ex who substance abused to numb his emotions. I always felt he kept me at arms length & it was so hard to break it off. Thank you for sharing your letter & I wish you a full and joyous recovery. x

  2. Reese 5 years ago

    I had an ex who had no relationship with his dad either, his mum divorced him and he remarried and had less and less to do with his kids. I read your letter and I was like… wow, my ex (who I am heartbroken over) to a tee – he was so cold and there was this constant emptiness, a raw pain and anger that resided in him, not having a dad!! not being able to love and give himself fully. It’s only every time I left him… that I really knew he cared. and he was handsome, and intelligent and fun… but so empty and unable to give his heart away and make me feel loved and cherished. it still hurts me now, you feel somehow lesser of a person when the one you love does not seem to love you all the way back… all I can do is reassure you that you’re better off without him, there is a man out there with a good heart, with a whole heart that will love you the way you deserve as I am sure I will find too. we dont need to be martyrs and bandage up hearts hardened by sadness and neglect, he would have hurt you too much and you deserve to be happy :o)

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