I’m so tired.

I’m so tired.

I’m so tired.

I’m so tired. This pain in my heart, it’s been here for more than a year and I can’t stand it anymore. I’m so tired of being sad because of you. So tired of thinking about you, having dreams about you. My mind is exhausted. I know it’s over. It’s been over for a long time now, I don’t know why I’m still hoping, it’s such a waste of time. Why can’t I just forget you like I forgot every other boy in my life? You’re not my first and neither my last relationship, but I forgot all the other .. why can’t I just forget you? I’ve tried literally everything.

I always end up in the same hole every single time I hate it so much. My feelings for you make me feel so weak, cause yeah, you’re my worst weakness. You don’t feel the same way, I’m curious if you’ve even ever felt the same way because if you loved me as much as I did, you’d at least show me that you care from time to time, not just ignore me like I never even existed and like what happened between us never really happened. You know well how close we were and how much I trusted you, why do you do this? I know you moved on and I should do so too, but just checking up on me won’t hurt anyone, actually it would make me feel a whole lot better cause I know that at least what we went through means a little tiny bit to you next to how much it means to me.

Why is it so hard to forget you? Yeah, we were close, but I’ve got many other people who I’m just as close, but they never replaced you in my heart, I don’t know why. We didn’t even get the chance to kiss, and yes kisses do make two people closer. Why? I ask myself this question so many times during the day. You’re out there, living the life you want, and I’m here, stuck, always falling back into the same hole no matter what I do. It makes me feel like such a failure, because everything I do to forget you isn’t good enough, not even for myself. I know you moved on, then why do you send me mixed signals most times? Or maybe I imagine them as mixed signals just because I crave your attention so much. I feel so weak, talking like this about a person, especially about a boy who I’m certain doesn’t feel the same way.

What else can I do? Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind. I NEED to move on, it’s the only way I can find happiness again but it’s so much easier said than done. Why can’t I get what I want? You’re the thing I’ve ever wanted most in my life and I can’t have you. We all want what we can’t have. I don’t know. I feel lost, as usual. I just hope and pray for the day that I’ll say ‘I don’t love you anymore’ and I’ll be sure in both my heart and mind that it’s true, but right now all I can do is wait I guess, wait for that special day and I can’t wait till that day arrives, cause after all, I deserve to be happy as well.

17 Comments

  1. Vidwatta 4 years ago

    I feel the same way. I’m so tired and exhausted…. I just don’t know how to help myself anymore.

  2. Christina 3 years ago

    I feel as if you climbed in my brain and wrote this out for me.

    • Tina wanjy 1 month ago

      Exactly l feel like she is talking for me

  3. anonymous 3 years ago

    im a guy in highschool at the time … i feel this way too, you say he gives you “mixed signals” ….. well in my situation i no longer see this person at all … before we dated we talked for a few months … we dated for 2 years then she left me and it feels like she took my heart with her …. after we dated i saw her with someone else, that hurt me the most and when i think about her i see that guy standing next to her …

    i dont know what i did wrong … im shy when it comes to dating and stuff of that nature … i have a few friends which seem to have dissapeared with time … i go through life just thinking about this person and how im not good enough for her or anyone else i feel like im lonely but i dont want to be with anyone… i crave to be alone and to just cry because the one person i gave everything too basically says im not good enough…
    i try to get her out of my head but my mind likes to imagine things… things that only hurt me … i imagine her happy with someone else and its a mixture of jealous+tears that wont come out= that pain in your throat when u have to cry… its aweful
    i dont exagerate when i say i will probably cry over this for the rest of my life … and though it sounds crazy thats how i am i guess -to sensitive and never good enough
    its been 3 years… almost 4 in a month or so & i feel as it were yesterday and it really hurts deep down like at the core of my chest …. its a constant pain that washes over me and its to the point were ive gotten on my knees before bed and actually prayed to god to please help me get through this(not an atheist but i dont flaunt religion in peoples faces) …
    ive had thoughts of suicide plenty of times …

    i know its over and i know deep down though i have hope in my heart i know she will probably never hear from her ever again… im sure she doesnt even think about me and i dont even know what i could have done… it was one of those relationships were u give someone your all and u dont even care to look at other girls because for once in your miserable life you finally got “the one” it sucks to feel this way i dont understand why my heart doesnt just give up on someone who gave up on me my brain understands that she will no longer be there for me … she has taken me out of her life but my life and my memories have been turned into a shrine of memories of her ( i dont actually have shrine only speaking metaphoricly) as time passes i just try to find help but i think no one will understand me i mean its been 4 years and i havent seen her or even heard anything … how much more time can i suffer… sighh

    im not sure but i feel like its gunna be a very long road ahead of me … its amazing how people can just move on while others just suffer to the point were i feel like at age 20 i want to die when i havent even lived half of my life… well if anyone does read this thanks for listening

  4. B 3 years ago

    Im a guy but I feel this way about my ex gf, we dated from 2009-2010, and I feel the exact same way, I cant forget about her no matter what I try and how much I try to, imagine, its 2015 now and to this day I still deeply miss her and everything. I would do anything to go back in time and do things different for her, we still talk and are still friends, and I help her out and give her advice when she wants to talk or even just listen, but I really do miss her and her vibe and presence. I hope your feeling better.

  5. your babe 2 years ago

    its been more or less a year now since i have found out what you did. but even before that, you’ve hurt me unknowingly so many times already. i told you before that i can bear all the pain i would come across as long as you can be with me just dont do the only thing i know for a fact that i couldnt bear even it wasnt happening that time yet. coz just the taught of it makes me wanna end my life already. but you did. you were careless. or maybe, you didnt care anymore in what would i feel because you know how much i loved you thats why it happened. i almost lost my sanity for so much pain it caused me. i couldnt even pretend im okay because inside i was literally dying. its not the result of what you did that made me feel frustrated, its the betrayal of the love you promised that i couldnt accept. you know that the situation itself makes me suffer already, and you made me suffer more. and you even made our journey more miserable. i thought i could handle anything because i have endured everything i can just for you to stay. i have given you all the patience and love i can offer to a person but in exchange, you made me feel helpless. God knows how much i love you and that my feelings will always be the same eventhough i decided to leave you. its the only thing i can do to not lose my self-respect. im a broken hearted but not a broken person anymore. and i know that i can still move on with my life. its not an easy steps, but i know it will be worth it. im not in a cage of my love for you anymore, but i admit that our memory still haunts me from time to time but the hurt i was feeling before, is no longer the same kind of hurt that im feeling right this moment. indeed time heals all wound. im not saying i already got over you but i can say, im whole again. i hope you’re doing good in your life right now. always take care of yourself. i will always love you, but only in silence. and you will never know about how i feel for you. its better this way.

  6. your babe 2 years ago

    today i have dreamt of you again, with them ofcourse. and the feeling is so familiar. an excruciating pain. it brought me back again the pain i no longer want to experience. i know its just for this moment, i know later ill be fine again. and i wont get tired waiting for the day to finally get over you. good or bad memories with you, im giving it all to God. i wont be needing those happy memories anymore because sad memories follows. thanks for this site for letting our feelings out.

  7. Heartbroken 2 years ago

    Im a girl and My boyfriend left me today. He is brazilian.
    2 Years with you was great. You played me só well. All the lies, they were all soo true to me- That you love me, that you wanted to spend everyday and everynight with me , that we could start a family together, that you didnt want anyone to havê me but you. . When you saíd” eu quero você só pra mim” i thought you really meant that you wanted me for you alone. You forgot to say “não para sempre. apenas por agora” ( not forever. Just for now) ……
    I love you dearly and i don’t know what first i must do to start getting you out of My heart and My thoughts. Im confused. I cant tell the difference between your truth and lies anymore. You made me fell madly in love with you, with the way you made me soo happy.. I never thought this day would come when you’d tell me ‘it was nice knowing you and i hope we meet again some other day”.
    I not vex with you. I blame ME for being such a fool.. Your lies made me happy anyway.. It is what made me Stayed with you for só long.. Why why why ??? Why did u havê to be so stone hearted?? Why did u hurt me to the core?? Why do i still love you when u don’t?? I want to move on but how can ? How can i?

    Crying, thinking, hurting deep inside. Will any of this make the pain go away? Your voice is thundering in My head.. I cant seem to hear anyone else but your voice..

    The little things you did made me só happy. I can still hear your laughter. I can still see your face. I cannot stop thinking about you. Why didnt you stay longer? I still got sooo much love in store for you..

    I know ive got to let go but i don’t know how. Only god knows…

    You’re gone but i still see your face everytime i close My eyes, still hear you talking really bad english, still smell your cologne on the bed. Still feel your arms around me. Still dreaming of YOU

    One day i’ll move on. One day i will stop crying and be happy again. I hope that day comes sooner than i expect.

    Only god and you know why you left. I don’t. I wish you told me some time before u left that i was gonna havê to sleep alone.. Maybe i’d b prepared or maybe i wouldve just begged you to stay like i did today..

    Maybe you should’ve listen to me for 1 minute …. For me to tell you.
    ” i am pregnant” ..
    But i’ll be fine..I hope i will…
    *i feel better after pouring out My feelings,,. Thanks

  8. Seana 2 years ago

    Are you my clone?! You just worded every thought inside my head. Going through the exact same thing right now. Would love to know if you have made it through strongly, please tell us . In case, you still haven’t, well, hugsssss my dear friend .

  9. Carrieokey 2 years ago

    My dearest bitch
    Screw you for projecting everything you are that I am truly not nor will I ever be , onto me. I dont hope for anything for you other than to ceast to exist in my mind , my heart , and I would say my soul but that is the one place I never let you near and for good reason. You have taken enough you certainly cant have that.

  10. Maria 1 year ago

    I feel the same way! 🙁

  11. JRH 11 months ago

    This blog is closer to my feelings than anything else has ever been.
    I am moving on but it is so hard. I find myself starting relationships and failing because I cannot continue forward. I hate feeling sorry for myself, I hate brooding for hours instead of simply loving my new freedom which isn’t so new anymore. You have gone backwards to your old party life with all your old lovers from decades ago, taking our child with you and leaving me all alone with a house I bought for us and heartbreaking memories of a life you made me think we had together. It was never the truth. Ever. You planned the whole thing. You are my weakness, I let you do this to me, and yet I still cannot make my heart see how diabolical you are. You are like the demon in The Exorcist- you mix lies with the truth to confuse me. In fact, that character was based on people with malignant narcissistic personality disorder which is what I believe you have and will never get over.
    I wish I could hate you for what you did. I wish I could leave this place and heal far from you but we have a son and I have to be close for him and I am too old now to just pick up and be gone with the wind on an adventure of healing.
    Every day I refuse to let you control me any longer but every evening I realize I’m still completely in your vicious clutches, writhing in agony…

  12. Chinedu 8 months ago

    She was my first. We were young. Me:17
    Her:15.
    7 yrs people. 7 long years. Perfect everything. No one can imagine what we shared. Then a call.
    She said she is married. Poof.
    Its been 2 yrs and I am not getting better.
    (Don’t blame though I couldn’t put a ring then cuz we weren’t done with school)
    Me now: 26
    Her now: 24.

    We both cry everyday but shes married.

  13. romzzy 7 months ago

    its been 3yrs now I had a broken heart, I can’t just forget d past.it even getting out of hand.Don’t know what to do.

  14. Gami The Mighty 5 months ago

    once upon a time there was young man who whent to an art program to enjoy his love of art more
    he made many heart felt pictures and he had his love for the art crushed every day becuase everyone
    was so much better than him allhe knew is didnt care about people back then he silent stayed away from others and usually kept to himself he didnt like people in geral to be honest and often times found himself simply sitting and focusing on his own life as best as he coould hed sit and work on his characatures every day while trying to avoid others..
    one day.. a young girl came in dressed in a denim hat that was quite obivously decorated by herself
    he smiled as saw her sit down near him and he could help but want to say somthing
    so he remebred the est thing to start aconversation..
    he simply stated that he doesnt think she should wear that hat becuase it covered up her beutiful hair…
    this caused her smile so much it lit up the room and filled him a sense of self pride knowing he made somone happy made him soo happy but instead stayed silent
    he eventualy met another girl who he admired becasue she did better art than him
    and he started to think maybe it was poosible to getotknowhtem..
    so he tried to and eventually she ended up along with the other girl who ispoke of before flirting and messing around and having fun like lil kids in a med while he slept onthe couch
    well knowing there was none inthe living room withhim he got lonely and he heard how much fun they were havng..
    so he snuck intothe bed room not wanting to intrude he did somthing incredibly strange..
    he curled up on the lower end of the bed near their feet and he over heard them gigleing about it and one of them said it would be hilarious if he starting acting like apuppy
    so he played alone and pretended to be alil puppy rnnuning in his sleep
    this made them both laugh and have even more fun and he no longer felt alone and was able to fall asleep
    later on he tried to date the one girl he was curuently crusshing on..
    only to find out it wouldbe really hard to be with her..
    he was really sad
    so he once again tried to go home
    then as everyne else was having fun somone came up to him and sat down and tried to comfort him
    he ended falling for that girl
    becasue she had gvin him the aproach to even see him n a large crowd when he really wanted it..
    he stayed withher for a coudple years after allthe while he even found the chance to get to knowher personnaly bu the never was able to have the guts to ask her out andhe never would be able to
    it turned out she had a guy she was already boy friend and girlfriend with..
    and as jeaslous as he was dhe did his best to hide it he didnt want everything to end after ithad started to get better his selfish desire tohave hr for himself led him to worry howlong things would last inthe end he had to do the inevitable
    henoticed one night somthing was bothering her during their usual routine, her mind was somone wherre else and he knew exactly what it was
    he told her its okay if it hurts that much we can stop this i want you to be happy prefer when you smile dear
    he and her are stil friends in his mind but he grow father and farther in to hating others and being unable to find anyone to fulfil him like she did she was always so wiling to sacrifice her self for others there was noneelse like her and there never wouldbe..
    he feell deeper and deepr into despair day after day…
    he tied talking to her again nad even visited her but he couldnt help but want somthing he could not have!
    he tired so hard to calm himself more and more every day his house feel to ruin worse than ever before..
    his mind scrambled in more waysthan one
    he became miserable and even seked comfort in any way possible..
    his own other wouldnever visit him
    inhte end he still felt miserable like none really trused or cared for him any more that he wantd to be loved again to stop being so miserable all the time!
    inthe end all he could do was drink and sleep away the pain every night and every day he tried to seek answer all over
    he ven ended up quitting his volunteer work becaseu of how much he thought he had falied
    he realsied that for once he watned to simply stay at home and ignore others and stay away from ever leaving hte house
    but sadly everyone wanted him to go some whre when all he wanted was to be alone..
    he tried making freinds online ..
    he watched as he drove allof them away and evetually he started puchsing others a way
    he didnt want o talk to anyone
    he didnt even know if it was worth it to stay clean or trimmed or hell even burshed any reason he had to be any hting now felt like it had been ripped from his very soul
    he just wanted to feel live again like life was worth living but he wanted more than anyhting to feel her conforting touch and adoration again..
    but he knew deep down that could never ever happen ever again..
    he made a chice
    and going back on it
    wouldbe worng
    one day had the cahnce to visit her again..
    he immediately took he left everyhting behind to see her once more to atleast beg her to forgive his foolishnes
    how stupid he was to let somthing so precious go
    so important to him
    at one piint he manged to calm down and have a good visit but while he was there he got the chance to do the usual bet over scrable like alold times
    only htis time
    she was the one who told him she wanted to..
    imediately he was elated to hink it was poosible to go back to how thngs were but..
    then
    he felt shmae in that idea
    stilhe asked her what she thought he wantd.
    and she answered i know what it is you want o bet and he hung his head..
    and its okay she relpied
    he looked up did his best to happy about it but deeep down he knew if he did and he won
    he be breakinghis own word.. and he wanted to more than any thing to ravish her once more
    but he told her he cant do it if he did hed make his words null and void..as much as he wanted to..
    and he wanted to more mothan any hting..
    but he knew she was much ahpier now..
    so he ddint want o ruin it..
    in hte nd he did his best to tkae the game seriously accepting her challenge
    and
    she won
    hse had actualy beaten him
    legittamtely he actully tried to win!
    she asked if he wanted to ry again and he thought maybe he could win
    bu tit had been a very long game
    and he didnt know if he had any more effort left
    so he declined
    and n the day he left he did not want to but he did becaseu she him told him to do so so he could take of his appointment..
    he had starting seing a therapist..
    and it was nice to have t=some one to talk to for once..
    but
    it wsnot the same
    before he would chat and vent and even break into tears in fornt of her they went thorugh sooo much..
    but as much as he diept but he had his cahnce to love her to scherish her to KEEP her!
    and let it go..
    he often wodnered if may just maybe he had more selfish ! maybe said he didnt care waht happend hewanted her!
    that just maybe things would have ended differently..
    but no
    he made his choice
    and he was living with it..
    andnomtterhow uch he tired to fil the void in his heart
    it wasnever possible
    noone cared
    noone wanted him
    these were the words he kept saying to himself
    and he had met many who did care
    but everyone just like her were unobtainable

    id like to say that htis sotry has a happy end

    that he found somone in the end

    but he still sleeps alne to this day..
    and has to deal with hearing of thers talk about havng found their apartners..
    and feeling so much shame and guilt in feeling so fukking jealus that he wanted to scream out ho the heavens draw a gun and litteraly shoot god himself in the face for lettinghim endup this way!!!

    but he knew that wouldnot help..
    to this day he does his best o cope
    ever y day
    every morning
    and

    every night..

  15. Jess 4 months ago

    I feel this exact same way, after a year i’m still asking god to give me strength.

  16. Bonnie 2 months ago

    You’re not alone. I feel the same way. It’s been almost 4 years and I still love my ex. I totally resonate with you when you say that you feel you have nothing but love for him, but in return, it doesn’t seem the same for him. I feel lost all the time.

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