They call it a heart break, but I just learned that my heart cannot be broken. My heart is not that hard to break (no pun intended.) My heart is not made of any material that can be broken, my heart is not concrete…my heart is spongy, it can only be cut or punctured and once any of those happen I will not live to tell the tale.
I knew the meaning of love., I saw beauty in weird things you did like the Michael Jackson dance and your weird word “wichoo.” when I met you, I trusted you with my life…I had dreams about sex and it was time to live those dreams with someone I could trust…I opened up to you. I read and asked questions about sex, I practiced them in my room when I was alone…I thought I was at the age to do all of those things. I didn’t bother to look on the dark side, because initially you used to tell me you loved me and I believed you. I loved laying on your back, I felt really close to you when you were inside of me and you’d sweat and it would fall on me, I knew you were happy when you ejaculated and I just loved to do that for you ( so much so that I’d lay on the floor when my sister bumped in on us just to make sure you get that minute of pleasure.) When I go to the gynaecologist, he’d use his finger to check organs in the lower part of my tummy, so I knew fondling was dangerous especially if it is not done by a professional but I made you do it anyway, because I trusted you and I thought you’d keep my secrets.
That night when you told me its over, I did not cry for you. I wept like a cow. I was confused and I am sure my actions proved my confusion. It is like I didn’t know where I was or what I wanted. One minute I was at the doctor, the next minute I was home, I abused pills, I ate snickers like a pig, I drank milk like cats…I abused everything I found. I went home, then I came back up, then I wanted to go home again. I was just confused.
when I feel uncomfortable because I cant tell whether or not I want to urinate and when my tummy hurts, I wonder where is that man? Maybe in bed with his ex, or a new girl, maybe on his phone, maybe sleeping comfortably…whatever! That’s what I got for loving someone. When I think about everything I get really angry sometimes. I ended up in the hospital because of UTI and what was I thinking about that night when you called? I thought about you and your schoolwork so I told you I kept up my urine and I got sick.
I know I can’t force you to love me I just want you to know why I get mad at your ass when I do sometimes.