REGRET

I’ve  never been on to live in regret, or at least try not to.  Asking all the what ifs and looking back at all the I could have done different.  Listening, seeing the signs, and  becoming too complacent.  Why did I not see the signs.  Why didn’t I fulfill her needs.  She didn’t need much.  Just my attention.  And I couldn’t give it to her.  She really loved me.  And all she wanted back was my attention.  All she wanted was phone call in the middle of the day, a quick smile, a nice bike ride together.  Nothing more, nothing less. All the things I started to do or wanted to do with you.  I did truly care and love you. I still do and I will always. You were my best relationship.  I use to always say that my best relationship was the worst one because I learned the most for it.  I was wrong.  My best relationship is the best one I just lost because I learned and still learning the most from it. And now I live in regret. I am so sorry.  I got complacent.  I never stop loving you or never fell out of love from you.  I just stop showing it.  I always feared the day you would stop loving me.  Then it happened.  You left me.  I know that it was right thing you needed to do.  I understand this now.

I always said, when I found myself in the perfect relationship, all I wanted to do was love them.  Call them. Be with them.  Give them space when they needed it. Hug them.  Laugh with them. I did always want all this with you. And we did.  But somewhere I lost track.  I’m sorry. Loving is forever. But know that I never fell out of love. I always did see a long future with you.

We never fought or bickered.  Maybe we should have. Just a little more. We were busy. We had some hard times but we always made the best of it.  You always made me laugh with you just being you.  The little things you did.  I always admired your drive to tackle on as many creative projects as you can.  You were always beautiful to me inside and out. I miss kissing you when you were sleeping.  I miss your dance. The way you ran to me when you saw me. How you always posted pictures of us. Nothing hurt more than when you took some of those down. The way you called my name.  The way you made me correct myself on how a should perceive people and life.  And when told me you wanted time apart, I was angry.  I wanted to be away for you. Then I realized that I was angry at myself.  No one has ever made me realize things about myself than you have.  And I love for this.

I was always keeping aware with myself that I would never try to change you and let you always be you.  I also apologize for hurting you with any of my comments that were either sarcastic or joking.  I know I was never mean to you but it hurts us sometimes just the same.

I’m not writing you this letter for closure or to try to get a response, or to try to change your heart.  I just wanted you to know what I truly felt was in heart and mind.

I know you are going through some soul searching.  And I’m really proud of you.  These are the moments that are key and very important in everyone’s lives.  Take all the time you need. You’re an amazing lady and am so happy to have met you. I will be here for you if and when you need me. We will both heal.