Just another night thinking about everything to do with us. Tonight I’ve been thinking about the first 4 months of us. I never thought I would have even dated you let alone love you. We started having a stupid relationship junior year and we just called it “best friends”, remember when everyone kept asking why we hadn’t kissed yet. I always just said nah its not even like that, but it was so much more than that. You were my best friend all of high school, never though I would see the day that we didn’t talk all day about stupid nonsense, let alone us being ex’s. When we started dating you were putting my broken self back together without even knowing it, everyday you made me feel more alive than i had ever felt before. I hated being separated and loved being by your side, I talked about you 24/7. But of course during soccer season you were mad I was “too busy” for you, when in reality i just had soccer practice and you were mad. We managed to figure most of that time out but then you broke up with me mid-playoffs cause that was what you wanted.. but you came back so it was perfect.
Basketball season was my favorite time of our relationship because it was perfect. I was the “Basketball wife” and you were the all star captain. Even though it was my favorite time, I realize this is when everything changed. I stopped feeling alive around you, when i got the rare chance. Your arms that ones protected me and helped me heal were actually the ones causing the damage. You started getting so jealous cause I decided to hangout with my friends when you were too busy with the boys or playing basketball. I would wake up in the morning and dread seeing you or talking to you cause i didn’t want a fight, but i would call you to wake you up and pretend to be the happiest girl alive, cause i was dating the coolest kid in school. But I reached my breaking point right around the finals and state championship. I didn’t know what to do I knew I needed to end it but didn’t know how. My girl friends all said just to do it the tuesday before the big game at prayer service that way we could just heal from it.. But then i talked to joe my best friend and well your best friend, and he said if i broke your heart I would be causing the loss of the state championship you all worked so had for. I shouldn’t have listened.
We went on and dating for 5 months after that we successfully completed a year.. but it was just going down hill. You used to get mad at me for vacations and out of spite i’d ditch you for my friends cause i knew i wasn’t ready for the relationship i should’ve ended months ago. So when i was leaving for Ireland you wanted a break and I decided to just call it what it was and maybe in 2 weeks we would be back together because I thought i needed freedom and space to be who i am. I WAS WRONG.
Now months have passed we’ve both finished our first year at college and well i really though we were going to go back to how it used to be, but i messed it all up again. I wish i could just call you and tell you i love you and that you shouldn’t be with your new girl but i know it will never happen. atleast you don’t hate me or care too much to tell me you do. Now i just get to watch you from afar when were in the same room, wanting to go up to you and just kiss you but
i know that isn’t an option. I’m not capable or prepared for the love you have to offer, and I know you have to leave me now.
I know you have a new girlfriend, i just hope she’s better to you than i was. I hope you forgive all i’ve done to hurt you cause i blame myself for us being done, and for you hating me. I hope she’s better than me and i can move on. But ill always want our second chance. you’re “my favorite boyfriend”
i love you
p.s. “you don’t even know me”