I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

LTME postLuis,

I never thought I would be writing a letter to you on a website and I doubt you’ll ever actually read this. But who knows, right? I’m not sure where to even start…

I wish I could send this to you directly, but I’m scared of what your reaction would be. Our last conversation wasn’t exactly amicable. Just because you “thought” I messaged you resulted in you calling me all sorts of mean things and that voicemail. God, that voicemail. I still can’t believe you sent me that. I didn’t think there were any ways left for you to hurt me 800 miles away, but boy was I wrong. But that’s neither here nor there and not why I’m writing this.

Im not sure how this animosity was created between us. Im not sure what I did to hurt you so bad. All I ever did was love you. I never cheated, never wanted to despite what you convinced yourself. All I ever wanted was to work on us so that we could be the power couple I always wanted us to be. I loved you so much. I still do. And I miss you. A lot. I want to text you so bad and just talk to you. I want to know how you’re doing. And it’s not because I want to get back together. You were my best friend and someone who knew me inside and out. I miss laughing with you and having long conversations about the stupidest things like how many times we typed buttholes in fb chat and our brilliant high thought.
I never blocked you that day you broke up with me just so you know. I only turned my phone off. Then when I had turned it back on after calming down, I listened to the voicemail you left saying “Why did you block me?” and when I went to respond I found out you had blocked me. By that point I had just given up all hope for us and I was tired. Especially after you broke up with me because I didn’t make you feel “special” enough. The reason came out of nowhere and it hurt me so unbelievably much because I had invested so much time and energy into us. You were the one thing in my life that was special and the whole relationship all I ever did was try and make you see that, but nothing I did was good enough. There was always something you were unhappy with no matter what I did or did not do. I loved you so much and you just couldn’t see it. I wanted to marry you, you know!! I didn’t know what else to do anymore so thats why I figured after you blocked me that it really was over.

I had to continue not communicating otherwise we would have stayed in that god awful rut that we were in and I wanted us both to heal. Your response to me not trying to contact you anymore further proved I made the right decision. And it was that moment I think I truly realized you weren’t the man I fell in love with anymore. The Luis I fell in love with never would have burned my clothes and destroyed my presents no matter how angry or upset he was. The Luis I fell in love with never would have called me all those mean things and judged me every day for little things that aren’t supposed to matter when you’re in love. I just wanted you to know what really happened because I know you think I blocked you and just left you…but I didn’t.
I hope by now that you have grown and become a better person after everything. I hope you have healed and are back to the man who originally stole my heart. Cause let me tell you, he was a good one. Really, you don’t know how amazing you are when you’re at your best. I guess the main point of this letter for me is closure. Just to know my real feelings are out there floating in cyber space somewhere is somewhat comforting.

But, most importantly I want you to know I still care about you.

I still love you and I carry you with me always in my heart.

I would love to catch up with you sometime if you read this and miss me too.

Sincerely,
AP

2 Comments

  1. Susie 1 year ago

    I honestly think you should send this to your ex.
    Or something like this.
    It’s hard not to think what’s the point, or will he even care. I’ve written letters to my ex and had him make me feel like a fool over messages Ive sent too, where I was trying so hard to express how I felt, but it was thrown back in my face, however I don’t regret saying what I said, because his response showed me that when people are in pain they don’t want to face more pain I guess. But sometimes the only way to see is through the pain. Like Eminem says about looking through a window, I guess that’s why they call it window pane…. When a relationship ends there is a screen put up between you and your ex, which is sad because you love them, you don’t want this separation… Although it is a necessary one, because everything happens for us to learn what we need to about who we are and what we truly desire.
    Too much of the time we lose ourselves wishing relationships, or the other person loses themselves within the web of love, usually because they are not ready for it…
    We all want love, in fact we need love to survive in this world, but we also need forgiveness.
    I think this is what your letter appeals to, you want your ex to forgive you and not hold things against you that don’t even matter really, not in the big picture.
    All of us make mistakes, but if there’s one thing that love should always have waiting for us is forgiveness for our mistakes. Because none of know where we could end up, and nobody can be sure that they won’t ever make a mistake. Especially in the name of love.

  2. Anna 1 year ago

    I mean I’m not looking for forgiveness. I am not sorry. I am not sorry for him verbally abusing me and making me feel like the worst girlfriend in the world while we were dating when all I wanted was for him to just accept/love me for the person I was instead of trying to bring me down every goddamn day. I was never good enough and he would just get mad at me every day over some petty crap like what I was wearing or a silly typo in a text message.

    I wrote this, not for forgiveness, but for hope that maybe he’s become a better person and would like to talk. Also, wrote it so he could know the truth of what happened the night of our break-up.

    But, alas, I can’t send this to him. He will just turn around and call me a cunt, whore, and slut like he ALWAYS does. He just freaked out on me a few months ago because he thought I messaged him. I didn’t but I can’t imagine what he would if I actually did. The thought of it terrifies me. It would not be a good idea and it would simply only bring more pain into both of our lives that we don’t need. I’d rather leave it alone and let us continue healing than to revert back. Sometimes these things are just better left alone.

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