I honestly never meant to fall in love with you. As you know I fought it from the beginning. I wanted to be friends. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I was so scared of getting close to someone again. You however just continued being the sweetest, loving guy I had ever met. You were so patient and just knew I was delicate. You became a my best friend and I couldn’t walk away. Before I even knew it I found myself asking myself “omg, Am I in love with him?” I couldn’t deny it. I was crazy in love with the amazing man you really are.
You knew I was broken and you did everything you could to put my pieces back together. Even though it wasn’t your job. And you did a better job than you could ever realise, more than I ever told you. You made me feel like I really am loveable, me! Just as I am, the real me!! Silly, sensitive, soft and vulnerable, broken, needy me. The me that no one has ever met before, until you. I never once had to
Pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I never felt the need to “put my best foot forward” with you. You liked me for me. Track pants, and messy bun from
Day one hahaha… This is something I have never felt my entire life.
Alas you, are just as broken as me. Maybe more so. I don’t know if you really know it and have the same self awareness that I have. But you are broken. This doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you less loveable. It breaks my heart for you. You are inherently sad, insecure and angry. I know this the result of terribly traumatic accident that you had years before we met .. I’m sure this accident had a massive impact on your temperament. I know it makes you feel insecure and like you’re no longer complete. I know it makes you feel angry and bitter that someone else’s actions can have such a devastating effect on someone else’s life and nothing happens to him. I know this from how negatively you speak of yourself and your accident. I can’t even imagine how that have effected you. (I wish more than anything I could take this pain from you, that o could change this for you. It’s the thing I pray for more than anything I feel I could pray for myself) I sympathise but I can’t put myself in your shoes, not many people can. It is a really really shitty thing that happened. It’s not fair. But it can’t be changed. All I know is that you are letting these feelings ruin your life. It is Taking all the joy that you can be experiencing. Not just with me but in everyday life. This is time you can never get back. I truly believe we belong together. You and me are like one person. Two damaged souls that complete each other. We are so alike it’s scary. You really are the other piece to my puzzle.
I can’t fix you, (trust me, if it was that easy I would have helped you already) I do how ever want to be there and support you though this time. I want you to get help to find your happiness. I want you to realise that there is help out there and people that love you very much and want to be there for you. You don’t have to accept being unhappy within yourself. This doesn’t have to be your life!
I know we have a mountain of adversity to overcome. Not only with own own individual demons but with my having children and how hard that is with you finding your place in our family. Maybe I’m delusional believing that honest true, raw love like ours is enough to overcome any avdersity. Maybe I live in a fairy tail. Or just maybe I am right. And we are worth the long road in finding happiness together.
You helped me find my self worth and feel like I deserve the love of a amazing man. Please give me the change to be that person for you.
I love you to the moon and back.