It’s been quite a long time since we’re dating, ( to me ) and I am thankful for meeting you at that time. From church to church, then Suddenly-I found myself falling for you. I was not sure when, but I know that I had a crush on you for long time too. Then out of nowhere, you’re popped up on my KIK. At first, I was kind of scared of you, I thought it was a stranger because I didn’t know it was you till is read your nickname. That’s how I know it was you. From that time, I tried not to talk to you much because I was afraid that I might fall for you. As time goes by, I caught myself have fallen for you. I didn’t know what to do, I confessed my feelings in my journal, silly right? I know.
Each and every night my mind keep thinking about you, I smiled when I’m in class. I smile when I see your picture, I smile when I heard your name, I smile when I see your family members and most importantly, I smiled when I see you smile. In those moments, I felt like your smile belongs to me only and it will always.
I couldn’t stop thinking of you and missing you every day. I swallowed my pride and confessed my feeling to you and I thought you would feel the same way. Then you accept my feeling and we started from there. Being in relationship with you was different from my previous one, which I thought it was different because you’re new to me and see each other in reality. We always text and Video call to each other everyday.
Then time goes by ( 3 years), I sensed you have changed. You did not send me selfies much like you used to. You did not call me as often like you used to. Whenever I confront about those things you would be mad at me, just because there’s people over there. During those 3 years, there’s thousands time you wanted to break up with me. First, you wanted to break up when I refused to have sex with you because I wanted you to wait till we get married but you did not want to wait so I ended up with you (That’s how much I love you and you seen my virginity was “Nothing”). You wanted to break up when I get jealous of other girls on facebook you liked their photos and called them “beautiful”. YOu wanted to break up when I expressed my feelings too much. YOu wanted to break up when I have a complaint about work or my daily life problems ( I had no one to talked to). You wanted to break up when I used a bad word and you that’s bad for a girl to use but it is totally okay for you to called me slut, bitch, used a slang language to me. You wanted to break up when I’m said you hurt my feeling. You wanted to break up when I don’t dress up for you. You wanted to break if people sees us together in the public, especially your parents. You compared me to your exes saying that all girls are the same. YEAH? Your exes may did something wrong to you but that has nothing to do with me.
Recently, you kept calling me as your normal friend and that made me feel some type of way because I don’t know if i’m your girlfriend or just friend with benefits. Our conversation became less and less. There’s no communication just a word of “goodnight” and that Thumb like left with seen. You knew all along that I am very sensitive and very emotional person but you used those weakness to beat my heart and mind. Why? Glan, just why? I am just simple girl that loves you so much and do anything I could to make you happy. Why would you break a girl heart when she only has one? I am hurting very much. I don’t when or how long am I going to recover from this heartache. The more I hate you, the painful my heart ache. Even when you’re terrible person that treat me half here and there but i still love you.
Despite of all this, I am still in love with you (You call me crazy, i know I am ). I don’t want to expect much from you now, I just wanted you to know that I am still believe in loving you and always. Wherever you are, whoever you’re with in the future, I wish all the best for you.
Love you and always