Bad PJ

LTME-postHey, PJ.

I know you hated me when I kept trying to contact you after we broke up.
I know you hated me when you realized I had a one night stand, two weeks after we broke up.
I knew you really hated me when we passed by each other on Belvediere Street, and you looked away from me.

I don’t have much to tell you anymore, really. I don’t. If there is anything left, it’s that I’m glad you’re happy.
I won’t apologize for the things I didn’t do. Because frankly, it wasn’t that I couldn’t do them, it was that the things I COULD do, and the things I DID do, weren’t the things you neither needed nor wanted.

I’m glad she brings you happiness, that she brings you peace.

I’m very glad that you’ve found your happiness, and I’m happy to say that I have too.

You know, now that I think of it, there IS something I wish I’d done differently while dating you. I wish that I could’ve been more honest with you with how I felt, and how I thought of things.

But you see, this “honesty” comes with being comfortable. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for us. I was comfortable, in a sense that I felt good enough about myself to at least be by your side. But I didn’t like eating with you, just the two of us. I didn’t like practicing with you, or going to practice rooms WITH you. I didn’t like singing in front of you. I didn’t like just sitting in silence with you. I couldn’t be honest with you, but that was just because I wasn’t comfortable in opening up to you.

It wasn’t you, it was us. We both couldn’t open up to each other, and that was the biggest problem.

With him, I’m comfortable. With him, I feel good.
With him, I never say a single lie.
With him, I’m truly, comfortably, happy.

I’m glad that you are too, with her.

I don’t hate you. I really don’t. But I definitely do not like being in the same room as you either, knowing that you carry such disgust towards me.

If we could, I would wish we could say hi on the streets and be okay.
If we could, I wish she and I could say hi on the streets and be okay.

I’m tired of hating. I really don’t want to hate the people I once liked so much.

But it’s okay.

I wish you and her a long, happy relationship.

Because GeunJae,

I’m finally,
finally,
truly happy.

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