So what if I called you up and said I was moving back to Savannah. What would you say? Probably the same the at each other’s throats. Still, I want you. Does that mean , I like drama. It certainly means that I’m used to it. Which is a shame. I shouldn’t be used to drama. I shouldn’t pacify heartache, pain, and shame from a man. So why is it that I still think about you. After all the shit you said to me. After all the times I even knew I could have walked away. Still I think about you when I think about this move.
Only because it was just a major tenet of our relationship. I remember the panic I felt when I said it out myu ing you said before. Was that you didn’t want to be with me. Could I handle that ? Could I handle moving there and not being with you? I don’t know. I’m sure I could. I mean. Deep down, I know you’re not good for me either. When I started to look at it all, you would never satisfy me and we’d always be at each others throat.
I remember the panic I felt after I announced that I was moving. That’s when I started wigigin out, quiet honestly. That’s when I started to put more pressure on you to see if you were what I thought you were. That’s when my expectations started going through the roof. And whn you dissappointed me as you did frequently, I felt jilted because I was literally preparing to leave a life behind for you.
Now I know, no man, except my husband is worhty of me leaving a life behind for. A boyfriend. Shit, child please.
When studies prove that 90% of relationships fail. It’s like, what’s the f’ng point.
In some ways, I wouldn’t mind meeting someone, but in the another, I don’t think it’s best for me to be serious about anyone, knowing I want to move back. I can’t even get my heart hooked again. Maybe this craving is temporary. But then it was a longing that I’d had since before he arrived on the scene.
I thought I could have my happy ending. I thought it would be me and boo forever together amen. That’s until I started finidng out that you’re a heathen. I have to admit, there was a certain bit of shame I felt for being involved with you becuase you didn’t go to church. Secretly, I’d hoped you’d change your mind, but we both know you wouldn’t. You were adament that you weren’t going to change mind.
You’re the kind of guy who would say anything just to get the heat off. You pretend as if you’re such a stand up guy. You’re full of shit too.
Although my heart aches. All though I’m going through withdrawal, I have to say in the long run, I’m glad I found out all that I did so soon and early before I moved just for you.
Now thw question of the hours is why do I want to move now. It is for a felling of safety and familiaryty. To sort of lick my wounds I guess.
To simplify my life. Go back to my roots and have a time to start afgain. To tell you the truth, it’s just been hard for me wince I’ve been here. The money has been great, but it’s come at great sacrifice. IWell, I can’t say it was th emoney. I’ve sacrifice what was supposed to be the best oyears of my life. Now, I’m husbandless, familyless, have a private issue, depressed, childless, dogless. and whole lot other lessess.
I just think I’ll be happier with the people I love and who love me, know me, genuinely. Tired of being on my own.
It’s home. Savannah is home and I just want to go home. It’s just difficult living on your own with no support system. I mean my brother is around the corner in case of emergencies.