I feel like there is so much to still be said between us, even though I know it has all been said before. I have realised well and truly that you don’t love me, after all you chose Ashley over me. Thank you for telling me you don’t love me though, I needed to hear it to believe it truly. While I still thought you loved me I had hope that maybe one day you would change. Maybe one day you would love me the way I deserve, treat me right. Now I know that that was wishful thinking.
I’m upset that everyone thinks that I treated you like shit because we fought and so on when we went out last. They only saw one side of the story. I always tried to show you I loved you, buying you your favourite chocolates, making you muffins, cooking dinner for you. You repaid me by not telling me anything nice about myself unless I asked for it, and even then you wouldn’t tell me. I had to beg for it. Of course I would get angry that I had to ask over and over and over to be told that I am beautiful, when it should have been something that came natural to you. I’m sorry that I started fights because of this, even you admitted that you were wrong and hurt my feelings.
I’m sorry that I went to London and that that hurt you. I know that you thought I was horrible to do that, but I did it for us. I wanted to go and travel, see the world, then come home and marry you, have kids with you and make you happy.
I wish that I had never had sex with you. Not just because you lied to me about the seriousness of your relationship with Ashley, but because I then found out that none of those girls liked me, that you were never happy with me and that you thought I treated you like crap.
That’s why you need to be honest in the future. If you had told me that you were dating her, that you liked her and that it was serious then I would have stayed away.
If you had said ‘I don’t love you’ to start off with, I would have been okay. I would have let go and moved on
Instead you gave me hope and I thought that sooner or later you would choose me and we would be happy. Even when I told you that you couldn’t have sex with the both of us, and asked you to pick, and you didn’t, I thought, its okay, he says he loves me and that he wants me so eventually he will pick me.
Then you picked her.
You honestly crushed my heart. I don’t feel comfortable undressing in front of people cause I’m not beautiful. If I was, you would have told me when we dated. And now. I feel so empty. I feel like all the love I had for you has gone, and with it has my soul.
All I want now is for someone who can love me and show me that he cares. I want someone to make me whole again. Someone who I can have a future with, who can help me erase my past.
I hope that you and Ashley are happy and I hope that it works out between you. No one deserves to have their heart broken, including you.
But I’m letting you go.
I don’t want to know what you are doing with your life, I don’t want to be your friend. I need to move on and that means leaving you behind.
You broke my heart well and truly. You can’t tell me you are sorry, cause it means nothing to me any more.