This hurts

This hurts

This hurts

It was afternoon

You were sitting with your friends

I was on my own, with my dessert

You ordered a dessert as well

You came over and took a bite of mine and I had a bite of yours

It started to become a beautiful story…

I was very happy for the first time in a way, way too long of time

But until then…

Two and half months later

You started to ignore me for weeks

I waited and waited

And waited even more

I pondered hard, what did I do that made you treat me this way?

You said you love me, which baffled me

We never spoke of this, but I waited long enough to send you a text.  You finally responded.  They were breakup texts when we were not even exclusive then.

I came over to your place.  We chatted. It was civil. It was honest to god the hardest thing I had to deal with a guy. It was you that I wanted to fight for.  But you seemed so comfortable to what was happening.  Then you said you would keep in touch.


Several months passed I dated other guys, but my feelings for them were not even close compared to what I felt for you. Strangest thing was that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew you were not the one for me.  I wanted you, anyway.

There would be days I would be reminiscing how I laughed at the thoughts of our time together whenever I left your place. Tingles from the kisses would still lay on my lips.  I couldn’t focus, couldn’t study, and couldn’t stand still.  My whole self was as if it was a magnet that I pulled away from. It was aching to go back.

God, I know for sure you had feelings for me.  I also know your career was your main priority.  You deserve to follow your dreams.  I just wished you admitted your feelings for me. It would put my mind to ease that I was capable to love when I did the same.

You taught me things, you showed me how to be more comfortable in my skin.  I accepted that the fact I knew you I learned more about myself.

I think all of this was one of crucial yet significant life lessons.  I thought I would not be able to handle a committed relationship, but not anymore.  I know I just have to find the right one.  Because I wanted to call you mine.


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