I don’t know what happened but things between us didn’t just work out well like any other relationships we both probably know. Things began to fall apart all of a sudden, movie dates, Mang Larry’s Isaw sesh, those late night chats, early morning greetings, hi’s, hello’s, all GONE. In just a snapped.
Of all the guys I have dated, you were probably near “perfection”, the boyfriend material every girl seeks. But why have I let you go? Answer is, I don’t know. I was confused maybe. I didn’t know what to do. Besides, I have told you in the first place that I am not good in relationship stuff, I just am not. You said it was okay, that we’ll both take it slow, rushing things out is never an option. I am not blaming you for bailing on me, I clearly know it was my fault. But what happened to taking things slow? What happened to the guy who always listen to me whenever I rant? What happened to you, to us? I know I have shortcomings in the way I have treated you and failed you in so many ways. I always forget to check up on you, not returning your texts/calls sometimes, I refuse to go out when I don’t feel like it. Obviously, it is I who have failed in this sort of relationship. I just thought you were the guy who would understand me, stick up with me, or maybe who could change my perception about things, love, relationship things to be exact. But it didn’t turn out that way. You left me hanging. For a moment I just thought you needed space when you started not talking to me anymore. And I let you and didn’t bother asking why. Stupid, I know. Up till now, there was no closure. Until one day I found out you have found a new girl. Seriously, what’s up with that? In a span of one month you’ve found a new replacement. Maybe you just weren’t the perfect guy I thought you were. But nonetheless, I don’t blame you for leaving me midair. We all have faults and mistakes in life, and maybe I am one of your mistakes in life. But to me you’re not, although you kind of dug a deep hole in my heart and refused to fill it in. I know I’ll get over you, forget about you, maybe not now, but eventually I know I will.
Okay. So I guess this would be my virtual goodbye letter to you. No hard feelings for me, although I kind of feel sad for myself. So yeah, fuck you with conviction! But I’ll make it through. I just wish you well. I know you feel happy and contented now that you have “her”, not being part of the SMP group (Samahan ng Malalamig and Pasko) any longer as your friends teased. I just hope someday you’ll have the chance to read this. I know chances are low, but who knows what fate might bring, right? Actually, if there’s one thing I have learned with my past relationships, that is to never, ever date a guy from DLSU ever again. Never. I think Archers really don’t work out well with Tamaraws. Tried it 3 times, I guess that’s enough. So Ram, I guess this is goodbye. Maybe in due time, we’ll be able to talk again. I’m not hoping. But it could happen. When all the stars align. Anything could happen.
Excerpt from Up Dharma Down’s song entitled Feelings.
(What I was listening to while writing this)
I wanna know
Do you feel anything
As you go on your way
As I sleep alone tonight
I wanna know
Do you feel anything
Is there anything you like to say tonight?
Before I go
Before I go… forever…