I’m done

I’m done

I’m done

So I’m just going to put it out front that I need a break.  You’re going to notice that I don’t call you, or hang out with you.  You’re going to notice that I treat you the way you’ve treated me the past few years, and that you are an option in my life and no longer a priority.

I had done well, I built my walls and was moving on, and then you got to me in the ways only you have ever known how to do, and you tore them down and made me trust you again.  You made me think that there could be something between us if I was willing to work a little harder, or wait a little longer.

Then I find out while you’re telling me “I love you”, asking me things like “what would you say if I asked you to marry me?”, you’re still fucking other chicks.  I’m simply the girl that’s always been there whenever you get bored, or want something to amuse yourself with, and I can’t do it anymore.  I can’t believe you’d be so cruel.  I have been honest, and laid myself bare so that you know exactly how I feel about you.  I’ve asked you to not lead me on.  Then when it seemed like I was finally moving on, maybe even considering dating someone else, should the opportunity arise, you come at me with all of that.  You say I hurt you the first few months we were seeing each other, I have always said that wasn’t intentional, and I’ve tried to make every amend to fix that situation because I would never want to hurt you.  In doing this I allowed you to spend the past ten years deliberately hurting me.  I can’t do it anymore.  I’d rather be alone the rest of my life, than keep trying to be with someone who has me consistently feeling bad about myself, crying myself to sleep, and letting me down.

You used that bullshit “I don’t like giving things titles” to be able to do whatever you wanted, and then turn and say to me “we weren’t together” when I found out or got upset.  I’m sorry, but you’re the only one in this town that doesn’t think we’ve been in a relationship most of the past eleven years.  Your own family introduces me as your girl.  People I don’t know will recognize me as “Val’s girl.” So I’m not delusional in thinking we were together as you would have me believe.

Even when we weren’t “together” you were fucking me on a regular unprotected.  Then I find out you’re fucking other chicks as well, and putting my health at risk without me being able to have any input on the situation.  Your fucking around has already jeopardized my health.  You fucking around made it so I can never have children again, then you have the nerve to turn around and tell me that’s one reason you can’t be with me.  FUCK THAT!!! You did that to me.  I have asked you directly several times over the past few months if you were fucking someone else and your answer has always been no.  Then I find out you lied to me again.  So if your fucking around gives me AIDS, how are you going to look at my kids and tell them that whatever piece of ass was more important than their mom? You should have told me I wasn’t the only one you were fucking so I could have at least made the decision for myself.

Don’t get it twisted, sex is the least important part of why I have to distance myself from you.  Emotionally you’re killing me.  How many times have you told me, I could always come to you when I needed something?  How many times have you let me down?  How many times have you told me you were going to do something and then didn’t?  Why am I the only one you feel that’s acceptable with?  I’ve seen you break your neck to fulfill your promises to everyone else.  I’m the one who has had your back all these years.  I’ve supported you no questions asked, and really asked for nothing in return but honesty, and you can’t give me that.

There has never been, nor will there ever be another human being that has made me feel as bad as you have and get away with it for so long.  I will never regret the time I spent with you, because it has made me who I am today, but I would regret letting you treat me the way you do even one more day.  I have to distance myself, build the walls back around my heart, and then maybe we can try the friendship thing again, but I can no longer be the toy you use to amuse yourself and make yourself feel better.

1 Comment

  1. verythinlinebetweenhateandlove 5 years ago

    You will find someone worthy trust me. I am now back looking we get hurt so deeply by betrayal as people. But remember the people that comes in your life is either a blessing or a lesson. Sometimes both. But I say just choose one trust me.

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