It hasn’t been that long since we separated. But it feels like an eternity. Everywhere i go, and everything i do, reminds me of us. Every movie i try to watch just puts an image of you in my head. I feel lost without you. You’re perfect for me. I never would’ve thought it would go this far. I can’t believe i did something so horrible. Its literally painful to bare with the fact you’re never coming back. Ill never be able to hold you while we sleep. Or comfort you while you weep. My heart is ripped in two and one half is still with you. I cant picture myself with anybody else. You’re all i ever wanted and all i ever needed.
As much as it hurts to know we’re over. I avoid sending you messages. Maybe due to pride, or maybe just fear. Fear of rejection, fear of you not feeling the way you used to. Or pride telling me not to. Forcing me to stay cold and dark. And pushing me to the edge of despair.
It’s like a knife is just pierced through my heart. The pain just wont subside. Everyone has told me “a few days and you’ll be fine”. “Give it a week, and you’ll be over it”. Well I’m not, and i dont see myself getting over you any time in the near future. With how mad you are, you may enjoy that fact. Hell, i may even deserve the pain. But just know, no matter what happens, I’ll always be in love with you.
Ive never cared so much about anyone in my life. It kills me to even think about how much more i care about you than myself. Its almost wrong. Like i should worry more about myself and my well-being than yours, but i dont. All i wanna know is how you are. If you’re okay. Are you moving on? Or do you still care, even a little bit?
I feel like such a bitch, the way my heart is controlling me. I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never been so depressed and regretful. Everything i tell myself, my heart just pushes to the side and ignores. The only thing it wants to hear is your voice, your laugh, the sound of your heart beating next to mine.
I can’t sleep at night. When I do, I dream of you. I dream of us. I wake up and look over to tell you everything we did in my dream, but you’re not there. I felt so comfortable with you. I could sleep soundly. Now i haven’t been able to get a good nights sleep since it all happened. Its hard to sleep alone when you get used to the warm touch of the person you love.
It’s funny, how once its all over, you start to remember the little things. The stupid little gifts. The motivational words. The jokes and the laughs. The things that came from the heart. Like how our lips used to meet and it felt like nothing else in the world mattered.
I miss it. I miss you. I miss us.
Im sorry Nichole. I’ll always love you.