It’s been 8 years since you broke up with me. It was a short but intense 4-month relationship – you pursued me the first time you met me and I didn’t think I would become that into you but I did.

We were only 22 them; both fucked up individuals who were into darker things which we never explicitly discussed.

You were my first boyfriend and I was your second or third.

I’m now engaged and will be marrying my second boyfriend in a couple of months but hardly a day goes by without you crossing my mind. All too often, you’re the object of my fantasies and I tear up every time I masturbate thinking of you. I know it’s disgusting and it is entirely unfair to my fiancé, who is under the impression that I hate you.

I don’t.

I’m not sure how I am going to live the rest of my life married to a man I am not attracted to.