I wish you well
It has been already 1 month and a couple of days since we broke up and I would never have thought that I would survive it. Although I sometimes feel the pain that is stinging down my chest or that my heart is skipping a beat when I’m thinking about you and our moments we shared together.
I’m writing you this letter (although you may never receive it or just ignoring it without reading it, which I fully understand) with just good intentions and not for personal grudges or blaming, because I have none towards you. I’m writing you this letter because I’m being grateful for all the wonderful things you’ve made me experience through our whole relationship like love, real friendship, understanding and caring.
I know it was a short but a very intense one and you have learned me so much in how to enjoy life at its fullest in such a short time period and for that I can’t express my feelings enough of gratitude towards you. The only thing I wish for, is that I don’t want to remember our end turning into a bitter memory that is engraved in our souls. Instead I would like it as a memory that I can cherish when I’m turning old and grey as I sit all by myself outside in my garden on a hot summers eve with a soft smile on my wrinkled face and a tear that is rolling down from my cheek as I reflect upon my life.
I know our break up wasn’t easy and it happened suddenly. At first I couldn’t accept your reason because it sounded illogical for me and I thought it was just a weak excuse for having someone else new in your life as I saw you spamming comments and likes on her facebookpage after our break up. I must admit that it fed my insanity because I thought she had qualities that could satisfy your needs (not in a sexual way) which I couldn’t fulfill to your standards and expectations. Although you said thousands of times that you had nothing romantically with that woman only a close friendship which I have failed to believe because I was too absorbed by illusions and figments of my own imagination like a dark shadow that has been cast over my rationalism.
Therefore I would like to apologize myself for my behavior towards you. I know what I have done to you and it’s unforgivable and I fully respect the consequences for my actions. Although I acted out of sadness, anger, revenge, despair, pain, jealousy and not accepting that it was over between us.
Although it’s normal and human to have these feelings after a break up but it’s not an excuse for what I have done to you because I was too selfish and dissatisfied with your friendship because I thought we had something special. Instead I got a scar on my wrist that will always remind me for making the most biggest and painful mistake in life to someone whom I hold very dear. I hope one day you and your family will forgive me.
Although I’m still crawling out of my bottomless pit of depression, I have learned a lot during my mental journey towards bliss and that is looking at the good things in life and hold on to them instead of focusing on the bad. That’s why I started a relationship with myself as you can see on my Facebook status or you might already know through a friend. I must admit that it was quite misleading and you might have speculated that I was already with someone, but that’s not me, I’m not the type of woman that jumps from man to man.
The main reason why I chose to be in a relationship with myself is because I have to learn that my mind and body must be one in order feel complete and not by someone, just like two people who fell in love together. It is not an easy task to do, but to feel complete as one, you need to learn from each other and accept their mistakes in order to grow as a couple. And if I reach that goal with my mind and body and accepting myself for who I am, then I am ready to give love to someone that I can call mine and spend my life with.
I’m not asking to have me back in your life because that chapter is closed and I respect your decision now, although you will always have a special place in my heart and I will treasure it forever. The only thing I ask is forgiveness for all the pain and suffering that I’ve cause towards you and your surroundings. I’m not proud of this and I feel very ashamed of that, because I have disgraced myself to your family and friends.
I just hope one day we will be friends again and have our laughs together but in the meantime I wish you a life full of bliss, love, friends, money, happiness, superpowers and justice
A crazy woman from Belgium