Dear Sweetass,

I know it was only three months, but it felt like a lot longer. Remember how we used to text every day? Play scrabble every day? And then chess?

I’m writing this while my tears are filling my eyes. I’m missing you already. I miss laying my head on your chest. I miss staring into your deep eyes, telling you how handsome you were, then you telling me I was crazy. I miss making fun of your cute obsession over chess. I miss sexting with you. I miss teasing you and your friend. Oh, Sweetass, you know I adore you.

All those sweet little memories were not worth it for you. Each time you used the phrase “I don’t want to be dating someone who…” you made me feel like I was just a convenience. And when I was no longer convenient, you didn’t think it was worth it anymore. Our relationship wasn’t worth fighting for.

Every time I confessed my feelings for you, you were so cold. When I said I chose to stick around because I was crazy about you, your response was “ok.” You called me manipulative when I was just being myself. You threw this relationship away like it meant nothing to you. You looked for faults in what I said and posted. You told me not to let fear from past experiences affect our relation when that’s what you did. Your past was still present and more important that our otherwise-would-have-been happy relationship. My feelings were my problems and her feelings came first for you.

And if I dared to say any of these to you, you’d call me manipulative. So I have to swallow them and write them here. It hurts so much when the first man I opened up to said such a thing. I can’t even get myself to talk to you anymore because I’m scared of being hurt. What was once a smartphone-age fairytale is now ending in the Great Wall of China that I’m building out of fear for being hurt by a sweet man.

It’s pathetic that an intelligent, beautiful woman like me tried so hard to please you and failed. All I wanted was to adore and admire you the way you deserved and to be adored and admired by you. I wanted to mean something to you. I wanted our relationship to be worthwhile for you. I admit defeat. I failed.