Where do I begin? I begin by telling you that from the moment I saw you, we were an us. From the moment I looked into your eyes and you kissed me, there was never a life without you. It scared me so badly because I knew in my heart that being without you would be like death. I was right. On the say I learned you were going to marry her, my insides came spilling out like waves of the ocean eroding away any signs of life at the shore. It was hard to breathe, to function and to rest. I wanted to run in circles screaming so loudly that even the heavens could hear me. Instead I screamed inside and let it stop my heart for you. As you began your new life, part of me died. I grieved as if I’d never grieved before. My arms were too heavy to stop my tears from flowing down my face. It hurt to cry, it hurt to breathe. I felt as if I were taking my last breath of life and I was powerless to stop it. Please stop I screamed over an over. I fell to my knees and begged God to let it be a bad dream and I would wake up next to you and be able to breathe again. My blood refused to flow through my veins because my heart refused to beat without you. My mind played tricks on me and tried to convince me that what is done can be undone but my heart sank and died. I felt my heart floating through my body looking for signs of life that could not be found. Finally I gave in to the pain and pressed my hands together and prayed and begged and pleaded with God for sweet death. The pain was so great that it created a numb feeling inside of me. Melting and freezing, hard and soft, forward and back. Completely lost in the thought of my own pain. If I stopped doing anything for more than 2 seconds, I had to sit and cry and feel all the pain rush over me again and again. You have been my life Karen for eternity. I’ve loved you more than anyone could possibly know how to love. I made mistakes and paid dearly for them. I remember the day we were married when I said “I take you Karen Canady, to be my wife”. Those words were true from the bottom of my heart. I could never have imagined my life without you. I will forever be incomplete without you. No matter what life presents in front of me, you will always be with me. You will always have the ability to be in my life. You will always be loved by me. I will always let you into my heart and soul because that is where you belong.