I feel like the end result of some sort of Rube Goldberg machine, but instead of producing something stupid like toast, it produced a version of myself I’m rather happy with. If this is similar to the amazing that you felt, I don’t blame you for leaving. I’m grateful for having nothing in my way to stop me from enjoying this feeling to it’s fullest degree.
It took a while, but I finally broke all of my addictions. I mean bold, italic, double underscore A-L-L of them.
I drink so much water now, that 10oz of soda will make me sick to my stomach. I found this out, like, a month ago.
I started playing my guitars (and just bought another one), as well as a couple other instruments, and I’m not half bad.
I hit my “impossible” weight goal a few months back (220). I’ve been working on a new wardrobe : I’ve lost so much weight my old clothes look even more ridiculous on me than before. It’s weird for me, because it’s literally changed the way I sleep. I can’t sleep on my stomach anymore, but I guess there’s not much of a stomach there to sleep on.
My posture is completely different. Much more confident, much more pro-active. Dare I say leadership elements rearing their ugly heads?
Everything else has been toppling like dominoes, and the last one fell just the other day. It was beautiful. It had felt like my heart had been locked in an iron maiden, and then it suddenly ‘crumbled’ and fell away.
It has felt like absolute joy, and I’ve been smiling and laughing ever since. An absolute freedom. It feels like weightlessness; like I can fly, especially when I close my eyes. There’s no pain, no regret, no guilt, no sadness, no shame, no longing, no feeling like something is missing. I feel whole; all of myself.
There’s no ‘need’ for someone to be there. Maybe, someday, we’ll see about the ‘want’.