I remember 3 years ago, the first time I met you in the library and how I felt at that very moment. Surprisingly, you were never meant to be there in the first place but yet things were such that you and I were destined to meet. I still remember your warm smile and this beautiful glow on your face. Even though I did not know you well, I felt some strong connection as if the universe was telling me to connect with you. Eventually, I decided to let myself reach out to you and learn more about you.
For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship. A relationship which I felt was right. You were amazing, sweet,kind,caring,funny and adorable. I just couldn’t have asked for anything more! I felt as if I had found my right match and that life was giving me a chance to finally be happy with someone so special as you
Yet, little did I know what was to come. As time passed on, the connection we shared started to break away, a tiny bit at a time. Instead of being the girl I thought you were, you ended up being someone I never expected you to be. Initially, you wanted me to change a few things about myself and I was okay with that but it never stopped at a few things.
You admitted you never liked my personality and that came as quite a shock. You called me rude and selfish occasionally. But no I wasn’t all these things you thought I was. It’s just that you never tried to understand me for being me. You expected me to be your version of perfection, which I tried to be, but failed horribly.
Eventually you went on to expresss dislike for my friends. You called them rude and not reliable. You made me hate them.You said they were selfish and cared nothing for me. But little did you realise that these friends would be the individuals who would stand to be with me during my hard times. The friends I could relate my whole story to and grieve your loss. Yet sadly, you failed to see the good in them as you always tried to point out their flaws.
When you decided to breakup, I lost my senses. I felt like I was dying inside. I cried at the sight of your beautiful pictures. I felt like I didn’t try hard to keep you as I felt like I failed to be the person you wanted me to be.
Yet, no matter how caring and loving you were intially, I never came across those qualities again as we ended things. You turned as cold as ice and scorned at the sight of me. You were rude to me. You eventually asked me to go away as you felt your friends would notice the pathetic version of me.
I loved you with all my heart ever since the day you said yes. Even after you ended things, I never loved you less. I always felt you were right and I was the one who made the mistake.
But today, a year after the tradegy I realise that I was wrong about you. You were no God to be as perfect as I imagined you to be. You had your share of flaws which I always accepted because I believed true love was about accepting your partner for who he/she is. You never accepted me for who I was. I didn’t smoke nor did I drink or cheat but all you were concerned was about changing me to fit you expectations. I am sorry but I realise that I am not here to be moulded into someone’s play toy.
I realise that I am a human, flaws and all. I accept that I am not perfect and that I will never be. But I know that someone can accept me for who I am . I know someone could love me for who I am because I am not alone today. I have friends that accept me for being me and I know that I can definitely find that special lady who will respect me for being me and not some plastic fake version of myself.
I understand you’re a human too and that you have certain expectations in life as much as I do. It’s sad that we were actually never meant to be in the first place but that by being together for 2 years we’ve learnt to be better people.
Do I love you? Yes I do. Am I in love with you? No I am not. Yes I love you for the experience you gave me. I love you for the life lesson that you shared with me. I love you because you made me love myself more than I could ever imagine. But understand that I feel nothing more than just plain appreciation for the grateful lessons of life you taught me by coming in and out of my life.
Will I ever meet you again? I hope I don’t. I am happy and content being who I am and I am happy that I have people who care about me. You don’t forget people who hurt you and I don’t think I will. But I bear no grudge or harbour any angry feelings towards you! I understand you had a purpose in my life and that once you served your purpose it was time for you to go
So as I say my goodbye, I hope the very best for you! I know deep down that you and I both know who was right and wrong, and someday you will realise it! All I have of you is fond memories but I have no interest in reliving them again. I have found love within myself and today I am a happy man, single, wild and young at heart!