Dustin,
I’m sure you’re very much in love with your wife and are very busy building a life and new home with her. That’s great and I’m happy for you. I wish more than anything I could tell you how I feel. Truth is, I frequently have dreams about you. I dream of the two of us getting back together and living our lives. I dream of us having passionate, steamy sex because did we really ever know what we were doing before? I wish I had worked harder to make our relationship work. I wish my family had never moved while we were dating. I wish I was the woman you married. I wish so much was different. I’m sure you are completely content with your marriage and I would never want to ruin that for you. I wish you happiness -because I lack it. I hope you look at your wife and love her deeply. I hope you give her everything I wish I had. I had it at one time. Honestly, I envy your wife. You took my virginity and we were deeply in love. We had a plan-we were going to be high school sweethearts. I thought that anyways. Did you really have a ring for me? I know I messed a lot of stuff up–And at 23, I take full credit for our relationship not working out. What was another year of waiting. We could have made it happen. I remember being asked what I loved about you years ago when we were dating. I couldn’t really answer the question then. I just knew I did. Now I know, I loved how you would wake me in the mornings after your practices. I loved how when I was grounded, we would write each other. I loved when you would sneak over late at night. We took so many risks. We did whatever it took to see each other. You were my first everything and 8 years later, you’re all I’m still wishing for. I thought I was okay moving on. Obviously, I’m not. I still love you. I’m sure we are both very different people now and I doubt you think of me the way I think of you. I’m afraid to tell you this. I want to value, at a minimum, a friendship with you. I’m so glad I messaged you a few months ago but I’m afraid if you knew how I felt and what is going on through my mind, you would run. I’d never hear from you again. So here I am, doing my best to explain on paper…And who knows–maybe one day you will read this. And maybe if things don’t work out in your marriage we can give “us” another shot. Anything is possible. Until then, I’ll keep dreaming of you, my first true love. Always and forever.