‘Mental percolations’ on our time together.

‘Mental percolations’ on our time together.

‘Mental percolations’ on our time together.

LTME postHello C,

There are some matters that have been “percolating” in my mind and I’d be grateful if you indulged me a few moments to share these “percolations.” In essence; this is a reflection on, & appreciation of, our time as “potential spouses”. While it is possible to be very “forensic” in my comments, I think it would be of little benefit if I commented upon every aspect or incident; a “forensic analysis” this is not! The topics below are in no order of importance, though I guess their sequence implies an unconscious logical thread.

Firstly, I want tgiving me the experience of what it’s like to be part of a “couple,” even though it was definitely “long distance!” We tried “rolling the dice” in the hopes of making that part our relationship self-sustaining, and for many reasons that did not come to pass. This letter will not return, in the main, to those reasons (no “forensic examination; right?). However I do wish to “draw a line in the sand” in my mind on our time as “potential spouses,” even though
it has clearly been “over” in yours for much longer. That said, I do cherish our current relationship as “close friends;” and hope it continues into the far future.

I hope to use the experiences and lessons you’ve given me should I find someone else with whom I want to share the rest of my life. You taught me how to be a better person, especially during travel. Even though this discipline subsequently reduced somewhat, I still hold this time as a highlight in my life. I shall the treasure optimism I had in my own life as we imagined how a life together would be, and that any events or happenings would be improved because we were together. My mood always improved when you called me “dearest.”

At the risk of re-opening former wounds I’d like, at least partially, to explain why I might have seemed “non-committal” or “stand-off’ish” whenever we discussed our future together. A large factor was me then not having long-term employment nor prospects. I’ve since realised that even having a steady job is no guarantee for a particular kind of relationship continuing. I also would have wanted to explore how your mind thinks, and vice versa. Even then it would not have been certain we would have continued as “potential spouses,” though I think our
subsequent continuation as “close friends” has partially filled that wish.

One form of “lightness & gaiety” is going on vacation together, yet we never seemed to travel together after that time during 2011. While our “styles” of holidaying are different (lying on beach vs. walking through museums), I still enjoyed them because I was with you and we were in our “couple” phase. I still have that standing invitation for you to stay at my place should you again visit my “neck of the woods,” and I hope you take advantage of it one day.

Given our respective situations when we first met, I always suspected that it would take a large gamble on the part of one spouse to be with the other; essentially starting a new life in a very different environment: culture, society & language being prime examples of the challenges faced. In my ruminations I reflected that each wanted the other to make the “great leap;” I guess I was unable to convince you “enough” to make this change. Even so; I know of couples in a similar circumstance who have made such a decision, to some success.

As for inter-spouse communications, I’ve always hoped that my eventual spouse’ first reaction to any suggestion was closer to “Yes” rather than “No.” This assent needn’t have been unequivocal, I understand that sometimes further explanations or assurances would be required. It’s also possible that I could be persuaded towards something different but would also satisfy the original intent.

While this letter might have the tone of a suitor trying to further the cause of his suit, l am under no illusions as to where my comments will lead. Given that we stopped being “potential spouses” almost 3 years ago, I would find it very extraordinary if you were to one day suggest rekindling that part of our relationship. As mentioned earlier: I still highly value you views & our continuing close friendship and I hope it continues well into the future.

Your close friend,

N.B. A longer version has already been share with “C.”


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