LTME postToday, I shed a single tear. It has been exactly one year since the first time in my life I had been dumped. It’s not even the shot to my ego that something like that does to you that upsets me, I’m long past that. It’s just that I know that I was the one to screw up the best relationship I’ve ever been in. We spent almost four years together, and I do miss you every day, admittedly some days more than others, and maybe I was a fool to think that it was just a bump in the road. I was going through a hard time between losing my grandmother and trying sort out a new career path. But the fact of the matter is that I did cheat on you, and in one of the lowest ways possible which is why I haven’t yet found the strength to tell you that. Maybe you already know, but I’m not quite certain of that considering we’ve had a sorta friendly relationship recently. I’m not sure exactly why I did what I did, and I realize that I definitely convinced myself that you were cheating on me too, but now I’m not sure that you’re even the type of person to do something like that. Maybe it just was that I was lazy and complacent in our relationship, but towards the end of our relationship, on our days off, that you were out of the house as soon as you got up and were gone all day. But I don’t really know, I never once went through your phone or computer. I guess I’ll probably never know, and I wouldn’t want to know the details, but I would like to know if you did to some degree. I remember when you initially wanted to breakup you not coming home twice, before you eventually did leave me. That really upset me at the time, but I wouldn’t and don’t hold that against you since you clearly didn’t want anything to do with me then. Maybe what is troubling me is that I’m almost 30 now, and somewhat lost in life, after we had a nice apartment, an adorable dog, and even a little summer getaway spot. But I am starting to find myself again in a new career. I hate that I have to start over, when I was so blessed with love and a good life, but I accept that I fucked up. I do think at times I have been truly depressed, not that I’ve ever found life not worth living, but just simply that it’s not as much fun as with you in it. All I know is that outside of a few times last year I had never done anything like that before in my life and would never do anything like that again. Even though we hadn’t yet gotten to the point of engagement, we were both invested in our relationship with each other. I guess all I can really say is that I was wrong, and from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for what I did. I am so thankful for having been with you to learn how to love and be in a relationship, that I need to do more, go out and get what I want in life not just sit and wait for it to come to me, and also now that I don’t always have to learn the hard way. Whether or not anything else is to ever to come between us, you and your family, especially your mother will always have a place in my heart.


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