JD,
Enough time has passed and I have grown enough that I realized I am actually in the place to be writing this. I must have started writing it over a hundred times over the course of a year. I even sent you a real letter a few months ago, which you may or may not have read.

I didn’t have any perspective on the situation. I was still heartbroken. I spent two years of my life telling myself I was in love with you. It wasn’t just you, it was the part of you that I saw so much goodness in: creativity, open-mindedness, thoughtfulness, and compassion. Was it love? Or was it emotional dependence? I still don’t know. I clung to that one side of you, though it was sometimes hard to see.

You left me, came back into my open arms months later, and did it again. I let you use me. I wanted you to use me, because I wanted you to come to some sudden realization that you needed me in some profound way, like I felt I needed you. I was so attached to you, and it scared you. You were so far from having your life together. I was so naive.

But now, now I am stronger, I am infinitely more confident, and I have a pretty good sense of what I want and need and who I am becoming. “I hope you keep growing into the beautiful person that you are,” you said. Oh, but I am. And I will continue to, always, in part due to what you put me through.

I finally fell in love with someone else, and it was through him that I realized how many sacrifices I had made for you. Because of him I made a commitment to take care of myself and to let go of everything and everyone that was making life so complicated.

So, thank you. Thank you for being a catalyst for my transformation, by ruining everything. It was brokenness that finally made me whole.

I hope you don’t do what you did to me, to anyone. There is too much pain in the world already.

Be well.