There are so many things I wish I had said to you, but I couldn’t. I want you to know that you shattered my heart, took everything that was good about me and destroyed me. I was so in love with you, I settled for less than I deserved. You had this way of charming me and making me feel like I was special, if only for a second. Too bad it was all a lie for you.
Here are some things I want you to know.
1. Thank you for telling me you cheated on me while having sex with me, and then still wanting to finish.
2. I’m sorry that having a girlfriend was bad for your so called rep.
3. I can’t believe I would pick you up at 3am after you left me to go have sex with someone else, but I was dumb enough to convince myself that you must love me because you wanted to come back.
4. I loved when you would play your guitar in bed. It was one of the best memories and I’ll cherish it always.
5. I loved your free spirit personality, even though it was always your excuse as to why you cheated on me.
6. Why did you lead me on? Did having me at your beck and call inflate your ego?
7. Thank you for ditching me in my birthday 5 years in a row, after promising to be there. I waited until last call for you and would spend the rest of my night crying and drowning my sorrows in ice cream.
8. When I finally was ready to move on, why did you suck me in again? Why did you tell me you loved me? Why did you suddenly want to be seen with me?
9. Thank you for never admitting our relationship out loud, I was always just “some girl”
The list is endless, but I want you to know that I’m okay now. I went to therapy, talked it out and learned that just because your love someone doesn’t mean that they are good for you. You’re not good for me, the way I love you is not good for me. I wish you all the best, but the next time she breaks your heart, please don’t call me, I don’t want to pick up the pieces. I am not a consolation prize, I am not a second choice, and I’ve finally accepted that.
I finally let myself love again, and it’s hard. No one will ever make me feel like you did, but no matter how much I love you, I finally learned to love myself more.
I hope that you learn what love actually is.