To my ex husband,

I want to start by saying, I want you to love again. I’m sure you have, and I want you to know you deserve to.

I want you to forgive yourself, truly forgive yourself for what happened in our marriage, and most of all I want you to forgive me for how I let it pan out.

I want you to know I survived.
I was strong enough to survive.
You saved my life in causing me to hit rock bottom.

I want you to know that it is never to late to change. It’s never to late to grow. It’s never to late to treat somebody better than you treated me.

I want to say sorry, for the constant nagging, fighting, and lack of life i had during our marriage. I’m sorry I couldn’t wake up everyday and be happy, I’m sorry I couldn’t even handle making the bed. I’m sorry that my whole world was falling apart and I did nothing but blame you for this change in me. I’m sorry for when I felt low, I found attention and love in others. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be enough of a woman to just walk away and spare you from hurt I so rightfully thought you deserved, and I’m sorry for feeling like it was justified. It wasn’t.

You have a girlfriend. I’m so happy for you. I’m not scared for her, although I was scared of you. i know how sorry you are. I know it was the constant amount of booze you Intook. I know it wasn’t the person I originally married. I know it was a disease. I’m proud for your sobriety.

Thank you for admitting you took something from me I will never get back, my innocent view on marriage. For apologizing that you didn’t protect me. For admitting all the harm you caused. You have released all the hate from my heart.

But most of all I want you to realize with God nothing is too big for you.
In our circumstance I asked “where was God” When I should of trusted God for my circumstance.

This is what I learned from our marriage.
God knew I would survive, that I could repair, that I would fall on my knees and trust him again. God knew you would get sober, and find him as your new addiction. That alone was the reason for our marriage, even though it led in divorce. God did it to save us, not only from eachother, but from ourselves.

I hope one day you will love again
Love so purely, the way you once loved me.

All in all, just know.
I’m ok.