The unknowable mystery of love

The unknowable mystery of love

The unknowable mystery of love

LTME-postHey,

I know you want to be friends and still in each other’s lives. But I’ve painfully come to the realization I just can’t be friends with you. I find it too hard. It was naïve and foolish of me to think otherwise. When I saw that you were dating someone else so soon after you ended things with me… I felt completely gutted and heart broken. Friends don’t feel like that. They’re happy for you. They support you and share in those things. Because of my deep feelings I can never be just friends with you. I’m always going to be in love with you and it just can’t work. I don’t have anything left to give to this relationship.

The fact is you are never going to be in love with me like I am with you. I understand, accept and am OK with that. But that creates a chasm between our feelings too great to bridge. I would be dooming myself to a life of staring through the glass and silently wishing I was with the person on the other side. Slowly vanishing into the background, laboriously envious of whoever is lucky enough to be there with you. I know that. It would be an existence of pure delusion. Waiting, hoping, wishing maybe someday you would come back again like you once did. That would be a burden that eventually crushed me. Because you won’t. Even if you did you would leave again. I know myself well enough to know nothing is ever going to change how I feel. I fell in love with you all those years ago and it’s never stopped. Not for one day. The flame just burns on, no matter how much I wish to extinguish it. It will never even have a chance as long as you are in my life. The only answer left is for me is to remove myself completely.

I know you might not understand. Maybe this seems terribly melodramatic or extreme. I know other people are fine with being friends, casual check ins and quietly drifting away on the tides of time. But I can’t. Perhaps someday you will find yourself in my position with someone and it will make sense. I was trying to fool myself into thinking I could be friends in an attempt to keep you in my life in some way. Because you truly are my favorite person, the absolute love of my life and I never wanted to have to say goodbye to you. But there is no way forward for me. I’m not mad, upset or resentful. I don’t think it should be different or blame you for something. Nothing is wrong. It happens. I just have to resign myself to the fact that my time is done. I know you love and care for me. Hopefully you know by now how much I deeply love and care about you as well. But there are better people than me to have as a friend now. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry I wish I could.

I’ve never had someone who took the time to understand, accept, love and care for me like you. Some one who saw me the way you did. I will always be eternally grateful for you for that. My relationship with you has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. I will treasure the memories we have made together as truly my happiest moments ever. Please take care of yourself. I know that you are going to do many, many great things in life, but don’t save everyone else and forget yourself. And whoever it is you do end up with in the end… tell them I said they are the luckiest person in the world. Because it’s true. I’ve always known it. To me there will always be everyone else and then you. Deep as the ocean, Bright as the sun.

I will miss you more than you could ever know. You are my heart.

To the moon and back forever

DM

5 Comments

  1. delfa 5 months ago

    damn, that letter made me emotional a little bit ;(. but this letter was really good.

  2. Gypsy 4 months ago

    The world traveler carries these eloquent heart-breaking words with him.

  3. Sylvia Rodriguez 4 months ago

    I can relate to everything word you wrote. I hope youre coping well.

  4. Sylvia Rodriguez 4 months ago

    I understand completely. I hope youre coping well.

  5. Elizabeth 3 months ago

    This is bitter-sweet and painfully poignant and reminds me of my own situation. The difference is that where the author is unusually generous with her post-relationship love, I feel bitter because how can it be possible that someone who claims to love you can start dating someone else so soon after the end of the relationship? I can’t help but feel I was lied to and all the words of love were simply hollow words used to seduce me into a “friends with benefit” relationship (which suited his travel lifestyle) even though he kept me hoping it would result in marriage one day. So many people – in this case men- manipulate women to get sex while telling those women what they know they want to hear. To the author, may you find the perfect man who will love you the way you deserve so that you will forget the pain you feel.

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