Dear E,

It’s 02:42 am as it so often is in my memories of us, good and bad. It has been a few hours since I saw the picture of you and your new girlfriend on the internet. She is exactly what you would have wanted, hot, friends with your friends, confident and able to raise your social status adequately. When I saw that picture this morning my heart honestly stopped for a second. I felt waves of pain and panic and sadness all through my body, small waves of this feeling have been reaching me all day, they have got worse as I’ve been trying to sleep which is why we have reached this time of morning, you really have played with my sleep a lot this year.

The reason I am writing this to you is that it is new year’s eve today, which marks over a year and a half of me being totally and utterly besotted with you and all that you are. It has been nothing, nothing but toxic and this letter is me leaving you in 2015. I declare that after this is done, I will be done with feeling this way, I will begin to move on and let go of any feelings of longing I have for you.

All I have done since me and you began was love you and care for you and try to be there for you through all you were going through. All you have done in return is treat me like shit, you have made me feel so utterly worthless and I am at a new low in my self confidence and self worth because of what I went through. I knew all of this, yet I continued to have feelings for you, and want you privately even though I insisted to my friends otherwise. This was all because I had a shred of hope that you still had feelings for me to some extent, even though I knew they didn’t match mine, and that what you and I had was still special and important to you. The fact that you had not a shred of respect for me, not even enough to tell me you had moved on (when a month ago you told me you felt something for me) shows me that we meant nothing, that you don’t even care. The night you told me you had laughter in your voice, you wont ever know how much that hurt me.

This is me saying goodbye, I am closing your chapter from my life and I will remove your poison, I beg you not to make this any harder for me than it already is but knowing you this will not be the case. Please find it in your heart to stay away from me, you have refused to leave my life since we broke up and honestly its been cruel. I will move on and I will be happy alone, I’ll find someone who truly deserves me and loves me for all I am, and I will love them more than I ever loved you. One day, karma will come your way and you will feel the pain I did when I looked at that picture.

Fuck you. No one will do this to me again. No one will take advantage of me again. I will not fall in love with someone like you ever, ever again.

Not yours anymore,
C