After all this time, I no longer ask myself why because I know why I’m thankful you were in my life at one point. I know exactly why. Sure, there were moments when I was so angry at you for hurting me and at myself for allowing the relationship to prolong longer than the expiration date. But I’m smarter than that. I know that if I hold a grudge, I give you the power, and I already let you take so much from me and two years of my life.
As much as you hurt me – as much as you made me feel insignificant and small, and at many times quite shitty, I thank you because now I know how I deserve to be treated. Thankfully, the man I’m with today doesn’t make me feel like you did. He doesn’t ever make me feel like shit. Not even for a split second.
Looking back, what was even worse than you hurting me was me letting you do it. I was blind, and I didn’t know better. When we fought on my birthday last year over spending 5 fucking dollars on a cab to go home, I was blind. When you would criticize me in the smallest, most minute ways that almost seemed harmless (i.e. indirectly implying that I was overweight or when you made the disgusting joke about me being “heavy” bc it rhymed with some word…wtf), I was blind. When I expressed my feelings about how I felt you took me for granted, you’d deny it and blame those feelings on my therapist (who I’m no longer seeing btw and don’t have the need to) and friends — saying that they put those thoughts into my head, I was blind. When you didn’t protect me from the harassment I received from your sister, I was so fucking blind. You were the wrong person for me. So wrong.
I have gentlemen in my life, and they taught me better. If you were the gentleman you claimed to be, you would have looked me in the eyes and expressed the truth and how you truly felt about our future. You would’ve told me sooner rather than later that I wasn’t what you wanted. You would have given it to me straight. You would have let me down, and I would have taken it. And, chances are, I would have had more respect for you in the process.
In the end, you were not a mistake. You were a lesson well learned, and I am so thankful that I learned, even if it took a little bit of heartbreak to get me there. Life itself is a learning process. We make mistakes, we learn. I learned from you. I learned the hard way, but I learned. And, never again will I blame myself for the way you treated me or how our relationship ended.
Don’t expect to hear from me ever again. I honestly don’t see any benefit in keeping you as a friend, because you don’t know me anymore. And you never stood up for me. True friends don’t lack empathy and proper concern. They don’t invalidate others’ feelings. And they surely don’t make stupid jokes about their friends’ body. I also don’t want to associate with someone who makes/made me feel less than I am.
Also, a few words of advice for your future relationship(s) / dating + how to treat a woman with respect 101:
– never ever imply she’s overweight or make a dumb joke about her body, even if you were trying to be funny. It’s not funny. Not even the slightest bit. Instead, tell her that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world (oh, and don’t argue and say that you haven’t seen the whole world yet and that’s not a logical “true” statement).
– don’t blurt out how much money you’ve spent on her. And especially exaggerate that you’ve spent “$25,000” during the length of your relationship. Relationships and love shouldn’t be monetized.
– don’t be too possessive and think that just because she doesn’t reply to your text within a few hours while out that she’s flirting with other men or cheating on you.
– protect her and make her feel safe all the time, no matter what.
– surprise her with macarons or treats she loves from time to time, but don’t complain about money or say that she should hit the gym first.