An open letter to my ex

An open letter to my ex

An open letter to my ex

LTME-postDear Ex,

You are one of the most important teachers that i ever had in my life.

You taught me that I don’t need to be with just “anyone” because I don’t wanna be alone.
Because that’s what you did to me.

You taught me that I need to find someone who loves me as a person, instead of just for the things that I do for them.
Because you didn’t for me.

You taught me that if I don’t love myself, I’ll attract people who won’t love me also.
Because you didn’t love me.

You taught me how to love someone with everything I have. Even if they break my heart multiple times.
Because I did that for you.
But you didn’t care.

You taught me that you have never healed properly from your past relationships.
You keep dragging random innocent girls into your life to be with.
If any girl that you randomly met on the internet one day decides that they wanna be with you after barely knowing you…?
She has some things of her own that she needs to work on too.
Because that’s exactly how i was. I hated myself. I wanted a relationship asap. I didn’t realize that i barely knew you. I thought jumping into an intimate, romantic relationship would be a good idea instead of building a friendship first.
I didn’t care if we didn’t get to know each other. I just wanted someone.
Of course the relationship is all flowers, and dandy smiles and kisses in the first few months.
But when the tables were turned.
I didn’t know who you were.

You think that being with someone is the answer to any problem in life.
Having multiple [8] “serious relationships” in less than two years?
Finding “the one” THREE times in less than two years?
Just stop. Find yourself before you find another victim.

Remember the words you always told me?
“It doesn’t work that way.”
and as for you. Jumping way too fast into relationships, with girls you barely know, thinking about marriage and thinking you’re truly in love…??

That’s a problem.

Honestly, you have no idea that something is missing from your life. That can’t be filled by a relationship, a crush, a luxury (popular) item, fake confidence, or physical intimacy (sex). You think you’re in a good place…but that’s an easily spotted illusion that your mind is not even aware of.
You need to heal. You need to stop throwing the word “love” around when it’s only Infatuation..
That’s a hell of an emotion huh?
In love with the idea of love.
In love with the idea of being with someone.
But never, ever, loving them as a soul, a person. A human.

Out of everything, the most important thing that you’ve taught me… Is that a narcissist cannot and will not feel love for another person. They will always play the victim and never admit their faults in life.
Because you did that to me.

But, I’m so blessed that god allowed me to only be in ONE relationship to catch myself and heal properly well enough to know better next time. I’ve wasted so much of my life loving someone who only “loved” me for the wrong reasons.

I gave you my heart, my body, my soul, my secrets. Things that you never deserved to have or see. I won’t forget about the good times though. I won’t forget about how happy I truly felt.

I won’t erase you and move to the next girlfriend and pretend like nothing ever happened.
Because that’s what you did to me

I won’t be like you.
I won’t pretend like my exes always did something wrong, and I never did anything. because i admit. I have my times too.
I will NEVER lie to myself and i never lied to you. The truth always came out of my own mouth to you.
Whatever i did, however i felt, whatever my OCD made me think.
I always told you.

When we were together i thought i could save you from yourself.
I thought i could help you grow as a person.
I wanted to build with you
I cared about you and your future more than you did yourself.
You did not care.
Honestly, I never knew how much you actually lied to me about multiple things while we were together and even after we split.
You still lied to me.
Like you are currently hiding things in your current relationship that your girlfriend doesn’t know about. I wouldn’t dare tell her though. I have no interest in ruining teenage infatuated charged relationships.

At times i feel a sense of sympathy for your current relationship.
The poor soul is going to think you love her.
When in reality you just don’t wanna be alone.
This girl is gonna fall in love with you. and if the time comes where you two have to part?
You’ll find another girl in two weeks flat.
Her? … she’ll be heartbroken.

You never wanted me to pray. You never wanted me going near my church. But when God blesses you. You don’t give it a second thought. You never tell god “Thank you” Instead you come to him only when you can’t get what you want

But, I did not write this open letter to bash you. Just to say the things that i never said. The things that you need to know.
But who knows i could be wrong, you really might have changed like you said.
But considering the last time we spoke.
You’re still the same unaware narcissist that i left
You lied about why you checked my social media and i let you think i believed you.
I knew you were lying the whole time.

And for that. Good luck in your life… because no matter how much you may think i’m still in love with you.. I’m not. I never will be again. It’s been five months.
Meanwhile I’m still in a healing process. And you’re on your third relationship ( after me).
but you say you’re happy now, right? by all means…
Go be happy.
Please. Be happy.
You don’t deserve to be in my opinion..but do you.

I’ve been wanting karma to come and swoop away your newly found “love” but that is childish of me.
Whatever happens, will happen.
I’ve gotten my karma…months worth of it.
and somewhere in my soul God is telling me…you won’t get yours until i stop worrying about it and let you go. Completely. That is what i intend to do.

Remember though, to open your eyes.
Look inside your soul.
Stop living this material life.
Find yourself.
Heal yourself.

And don’t you dare waste another girls time until you do.

Your (what you call) “crazy, too attached, wont let it go” ex.


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