Hi J
Hope you are doing fine. I am writing this to see if I can finally get some type of closure since you just disappeared 2 years ago. Its crazy because the last time we saw each other you had just bought a new car and had asked me if you could pick me up to go for a drive. At that point we had already been broken up 2 years before but managed to still linger in each others lives without the sex of course even though you tried to get some a few times as all men do but it unintentionally resulted us being stronger best friends. You always came back to me, but this time you didn’t. I want to tell you that now looking back I realize we were both depressed went we met. You had just lost a sibling and came out of a relationship and I was recovering from an accident. It was great at first we were super happy but then reality settled in, I think we both believed that our lives would magically get better for both us while we were together but it didn’t it got worst. while together you were still grieving your sibling and trying to find yourself in life in general and I was trying to cope with it all and at the same time trying to get my life together. Now I think to myself we both really weren’t ready for any type of relationship. Being with you made me realized that. You were my best friend and still are in spirit. Everyday since the last time we saw each other life reminds me of you in different ways whether its a song, a word , or even seeing one of the cars you use to own. It feels like god doesn’t want me to forget you. I am sorry I didn’t say I was falling for you when you expressed to me in your own way. I knew you were talking about me but still didn’t open up and answered in a neutral way. I always knew you would open up first about love. I should of told you I also was afraid to open my heart to love again. I think of you every night , I just graduated college and wished you were in my life to see all the great things happening to me. I pray that god protects you always and even if I never see you again I want you to know you were the best thing in my life, I will always wish you happiness even if its not with me. Sometimes I confess I feel you think of me , because I will confess this I knew we were connected from the moment it felt as you were reading my thoughts. I would think something and you would immediately blurt it out or act on it. That scared me , because I had never met someone that was connected to me like that , I didn’t even know this type of connection even existed. Not even with my ex before you. I feel you will come back but don’t know how. I have to be realistic and think of the fact that you might come back for closure but have already moved on. I still have your poem and still cherish it. And Since you are so competitive and love being first I will confess this, meeting you taught me about having your first real love. My ex was my first love but you are my first real true love. I love you and miss you but know we both needed to part ways in the moment, I wanted you to leave but then when you did and took what I deemed too long then I felt hurt. Because I felt you cut me off without hesitation but then one side of me has to be honest and admit that I saw your fear , fear of falling in love with me. We both needed to grow anyway and learn to love ourselves and be stronger individually. Yes you did wrong and I did as well . I forgive myself and forgive you. I will now let you go and send you love and light. Take care J and stay positive. If its meant to be it will be but in god’s timing.- With love, Star