I’ve written this many times but hopefully this will be the last. Here goes nothing.
I remember that night we were sitting in my backyard looking up at the stars, you’d told me you needed me and that for the rest of your life you’d fight for me, for us. I just smiled at you because none of the words could come out of my mouth. I was shocked, we were still kids in high school and you told me I was it. It was so crazy to think but deep down i knew you were the only one that i wanted to wake up to every morning. I told you even though college is coming up in a few years we’d always choose each other.
But something happened, the times where we called each other baby, and bubba slowly turned into one sided. i was the one saying pet names while my name was forever just “kendra.” to you. The days where i asked for a million kisses , within five seconds of each other you got annoyed rather than laughing and thinking it was adorable. The times I always sent you selfies you no longer said “damn look at my baby” or “how did i get so lucky with this beautiful girl” you said “you look good” or “nice”. Things were changing but all i thought was we were out of honeymoon stage. I didn’t need you to call me pet names because i knew you loved me.
This was the time you started to shut me out, after two years you started to seem to loose interest of me. Of course i tried to hide the fact, but you didn’t even fight like you promised. Your depression became to much and you thought leaving me would make you happier that, if i didn’t see you in your darkest hour that i wouldn’t think less of you. But i never thought any less of you. Even know after you broke my heart.
I don’t blame you or even hate you a little for leaving. I just want you to be happy. That day i didn’t just lose my boyfriend, i lost my best friend , my go to, the person who knew my secrets and flaws but loved me anyways. I wish i could make the pain go away, i wish i could text you and actually get a response back. But for now i need to be strong for myself because that’s all i have. You told me you are so proud of me and i believe it. I believe you’ll find yourself and become such a great man. I believe these are your selfish days and sometimes we all need them. But you need to remember that i was never a half, i’m a whole and i was the one who constantly stood by you.
You’re mother is such a lovely lady take good care of her, she always made me feel welcome and at home. She’s so easily to talk to. i’ll miss her so much.
Promise me that you’ll chase all your dreams you’ve ever told me. That you won’t settle, that you figure out your worth. Any girl would be lucky to have you, baby boy you’re one of a kind. Keep your head up and stay strong. I’m so thankful that even though we aren’t talking , and not together. Im thankful for our memories, our love, our good times and bad times for it was you to teach me what love felt like.