To the boy who made me feel like I wasn’t good enough:
I always wondered why you left me, never really understood how one second I was exactly what you wanted and the next I was nothing. blamed myself you know. I never thought I was good enough for you I always thought I had to look my best when I was taking to you so there was a lesser chance you would leave me because I didn’t look too fat that day or i was wearing makeup so I didn’t look as ugly that day.
at first I didn’t want to hang out with you, I was too scared you would leave because my looks weren’t what you expected. it seemed easier to make sure you’re into my personality before we met in person so I was more sure you wouldn’t leave me because my looks. We were happy we were a “thing” I could picture myself having a future with you, we were falling for each other. Then it happened, we had our first fight, I heard things about you that made me upset I heard you said you still loved your ex and I got mad at you before I asked you if you even said it so I guess us ending was all my fault because I forgave you and we were “good” but we’re we really “good”? Your whole vocabulary toward me changed, you no longer called me babe ever you never wanted to hangout we only ever talked after 8 because you were busy and I always had to message you first.
i then was saying we need to hang out and we need to make plans all the time because I felt like I was losing you, but of course, you were always busy, too busy for me. Then it happened after 3 months of us talking I was with my friend who was also your friend and we saw you I met you in person for the first time, and the shy person I am I just said hi and stood there well you talked to my friend. We left I thought it was all good, and then I hear that you said I was ugly after the first time we met and you always read my messages and didn’t answer and when you did the convo lasted for like 10 minutes max. I cried myself to sleep thinking there was something wrong with me, maybe if I was prettier or skinnier you would’ve like me Better maybe if I wore my hair down that day so I looked better. Maybe maybe maybe that was all that was going through my head.
A few days later you told one of my friends you stopped talking to me that day not because I was ugly, but because later on in the day you met a new girl, one who “treated you better than I ever did” but to me that made no sense, I treated you better than anyone, you were my top priority I was always answering you and telling you how handsome you were and how much I cared about you, I stayed on the phone with you for 9 hours talking about our lives and telling you things I had never told anyone, you whispered to me on the phone about how beautiful I was you made me feel so special than you threw me away like I was nothing. I believed you left me because a new girl came along and treated you “better” than me. Until I saw a picture of her and I couldn’t help noticing she was 40 pounds lighter than I was.
I kept thinking that if I weighed as much as she did I would’ve still had you. I cried myself to sleep thinking I wasn’t good enough and that’s why you left me. I say now that “I hate you” and you were a “huge mistake” because it helps me feel better but really it was me, I was never what you wanted and we were never meant to be together because I was never perfect in your eyes but I’ve come to realize that that’s okay because you helped me notice that I need a guy who doesn’t care about looks and a guy who doesn’t let me fall asleep feeling worthless you were a wake up call for me so thank you, thanks for helping me realize my self worth and realizing I shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t make me feel like I’m the prettiest girl in the world.
A girl who is happy you showed me what I deserve in a guy