Seeing you this weekend made the crack in my heart ache. It had been a year, almost to the day of me breaking up with you. A year without talking. At first, I missed the constant contact, the best friend that you were to me. I grew used to the no communication…. I found some satisfaction just being friends on facebook and seeing your life was going smoothly. I grew jealous of all your friends because they got to see you and talk to you everyday. As the days passed, I tried my hardest to distract myself with others… It helped numb some of the pain. I thought surely in a years time, my heart would stop hurting. Then seeing you was like breaking my sobriety… Talking to you brought back those butterflies you gave me the first time we kissed. Hugging you felt like I wasn’t lost for the first time in a year. It stopped all my progress and reminded me how fiercely I love you. How sweet, funny, handsome, and loyal you were to me. Why did I ever say goodbye to you?
Well, I have to remind myself why we broke up.. At the time the reasoning was that distance was too hard. We both needed to focus on ourselves, schooling, and our future. We were going through too many changes that it seemed impossible to change together. Now a year later, I feel as if I was too immature to realize that no one compares to you. No one can make me smile like you. No one can make me feel as good about myself as you do. No one can have our deep meaningful conversations or our silly playful jokes. No one can make me feel safer than you did. I want to feel all of these things again, but I think you’ve moved on. I think you will never forgive me for giving up too soon. And for “moving on” too fast, when really it was my way of numbing the pain. If I wanted you to know anything it’s that I’ll never stop loving you and I hope that fate might bring us together again. What a terribly beautiful thing you’ve done to me… At the young age of 21 I don’t think I’ll ever find someone as special as you.