What were we?

What were we?

What were we?

LTME-postThings have changed so much and I can’t help but sit back and wonder what we were. What were your intentions? Why did you keep coming around? You had a girl, a girl that you ‘loved’. At first I didn’t know about her. We would go out, it was always fun. We started to realize we were more alike than we would have ever thought and the vibe was just amazing. We were both so open and comfortable even from the beginning. Our deep talks, star gazing, listening to new music, long cruises and so much more. Then, that night came. It was a Friday night, such a great night to end terribly. We said goodnight as you were parked outside my house and as soon as I get in my house my phones goes off. Two messages from a friend saying I need to stop hanging out with you because you already had a girlfriend.. why? Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you making me feel special? I didn’t want to believe it. But sure enough you did have a girlfriend. Everything went down and I heard you deny me even when you thought I wasn’t listening. That hurt more than I would like to admit. So many questions running through my mind, was it all a lie? Was he faking who he was? What did he want with me? We didn’t talk for about a week. Then you came back, you messaged me. I was trying to forget about us and you came back. We talked it out. You said I made you happy again and at the time that was enough for me because undeniably you made me happy too. Our fights were never small, they were never calm. When you lied about something or when I found out you were still talking to your other girl nothing was as I would have imagined it. We cried, yelled, punched and ran. Fighting in person for up to 3 hours. Do you remember that night we stayed out till 3 a.m fighting? I ran, literally. I couldn’t take it, the pain you were causing me was so bad that I tried to physically run away from it. As I ran I was sobbing and finally fell on my knees and asked God to take away the pain. Who knew it could hurt so bad? When I finally came back you were still there. You were sitting on the street against your car. I had expected you to be gone but you were there. Man, you looked like hell, so broken and tired. From time to time you would fall over and I would pull you back up. That was the first time you saw how weak I was. I forgive so easily, even more seeing you so broken like that. I remember that night so clear because after I gave you a list of reasons to keep fighting we walked to my door. As you were standing directly in front of me you held my hands in yours and we were looking at each others eyes, that’s when you said it. “I love you” Not the words I was expecting at all from you. Even after that we still fought. You gave me all the reasons to walk away because you weren’t honest or loyal but I still let you come back hoping that maybe you learned, maybe you were going to change. Months passed, we had our good days and some bad. What confuses me is why? Why would you say and do things that made me feel a way towards you? Why did you tell me you loved me? Why did you make sure I got enough sleep? Why would you tell me you needed me when you were also telling her you needed her? Why would you buy me gifts? Why would you take me out on those dates? Why were you there when I was ready to give up on everything? Why did you always make sure I wasn’t hungry? Why did you do all these things? You still want her. I can see it. When your eyes tear up and your eyes have lost its sparkle I know it’s because of her. So why? Do you really love her? Do you really love me? What do you want from me? Why do you do the things you do and say the things you say if she’s still on your mind? What do I mean to you? Who do want? Who do you need? What is running through your mind? just tell me. Someone tell me because I can’t figure it out. Your own family tells me how I’ve changed you, changed you for the better but they don’t know you’re slowly killing me. Someone please tell me what this means. I’ve never felt to drained and empty. I need to know…

1 Comment

  1. Pluma 3 years ago

    Sounds like you know what to do…. take care of yourself… self care… This sounds like a very toxic and dangerous relationship you deserve better… ~ Peace & Love …

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