It’s been 5, nearly 6 years, since I’ve said your name out loud or communicated with you. I’ve forgotten when your birthday is. I’ve forgotten what your voice sounds like. I’ve forgotten the way you smile. Its probably a good thing but there have been others that have helped me forget.

I only think about you when I’m thinking of breaking up with someone else.

Right now, I am feeling the same way i felt up until a few months until the day before you dumped me. I remember I had felt like we were no longer connected, that you were someone who didn’t understand me anymore or didn’t care to understand me anymore. I feel like I had known it for a while but i didn’t want to accept it nor could i bring myself to end it between us.

However it still hurt when you dumped me. Stupidly, I questioned whether i ever knew you at all. In truth, I cannot remember the exact words you used. I just remember becoming a complete mess and calling my best friend and sobbing my heart out like a stupid little bitch.

There were a few women after you. Then i found Her. We were happy but now i feel how i felt the months before you decided to end it with me. I feel unable to reconcile our issues and that its only a matter of time till she breaks up with me. I don’t yet have the courage to end it with with her before she ends it with me.

What i want to say to you is this. I never understood why you broke up with me, why you stopped loving me. You most likely will have forgotten who i am now, i’m sure. But you never told me and the thought of me not being good enough for you has always hurt me. I gave you everything and i shared with you who i was, showed you my family and shared with you what i loved and made me happy.

Now, i’m back to square one. And i wish you had told me exactly what it was that made you break up with me.

I’ve thought about ‘us’ a lot in the past and in the end, i’ve come to think of our relationship as a very prolonged rebound for you. You were getting over that white girl and i didn’t know it then. only until time had passed that i began to see, our relationship was just a massive distraction for you. I never got to know the real you, just the broken-hearted girl who was trying to get over someone else.

Still, I have no regrets. Just have to get this off of my mind.