Love. I did love you. More than you loved me. And that’s what killed me the most. Knowing that you could love someone so deeply and so strongly, but not get the love in return. That’s all I ever asked for. That’s all I ever wanted. 4 years with you. 4 years of laughter, crying so hard because we thought we were so funny. Laying on your chest listening to your heartbeat and thinking to myself. “this is where I want to be for the rest of my life.” But little did I know you would break my heart into a million pieces. Little did I know someone could make your heart bleed. I wish I would have been told that not every person will be honest with you. I didn’t think it would happen to me. I didn’t think that the love of my life could find someone else to love. I didn’t think he would do such a think. Tell me such detailed lies so he wouldn’t be caught in bed with her. So I wouldn’t find out that he was sleeping with another girl. But I did. 4 years later. 4 years of lies. 4 years of falling in love with a liar who I thought loved me. Laying in bed for days because I couldn’t move. Crying so hard till I threw up. Shaking and being curled up in a ball on the floor holding myself because he wasn’t there to hold me. Screaming aloud “what did I do wrong? I don’t understand!” looking at the girl he chose over me wondering what makes her better than me. Asking over and over “what am I going to do without him? He was my everything..”
It took me a long few months to realize something. It wasn’t me. It was him. He was the reason it didn’t work out. It wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t need to change myself or do anything to myself because the way that I am isn’t something I want to change. But because of him I have learned things as well. Like to not move too quick in a relationship. Saying I love you is a phrase to use wisely. That you can’t always trust everything they say. Trust is earned. Self love is first. Love yourself before you love others.
But I wish him well. I wish him a happy life filled with joy and love. Because I’m done hating. I’ve moved on and I know he has too. And moving forward is the best thing to do. 💚