D-
As I’m writing this tears are streaming down my face. This is what our fourth time ending things? I should be used to this hurt but this truly feels like the first time all over again. But this time, for the first time, I ended it. This has got to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I knew from the second we started things up again I shouldn’t have let you in but of course I wanted to give you another chance. This time, you were basically perfect and treated me how I should have been treated from day 1. Maybe this scared me, I don’t know but what I do know is that if history repeates itself you would’ve been gone in about a month or two anyway and I know each day that went by I began to love you more and more and become closer to you and I just couldn’t do it all over again. I mean I guess I am doing it all over again, starting from square one. Restless nights. That pain in my chest. I hate how much of a hold you have on me. I know this is for the best but it doesn’t make the pain any less. I hate that I couldn’t keep myself from crying last night when I told you we can’t be together. I hate that you asked what you were doing wrong because I know the feeling of blaming yourself and wondering if you did something different if this wouldn’t be happening and that’s a terrible one. Just know you didn’t do anything this time to make me end this, it was the past that I can’t let go of. You said to give you a chance and I tried so hard but when I have multiple people telling me I’m just going to end up hurt again it’s hard not to listen because deep down I knew it was a possibility. I wanted to give you that chance so bad because I saw potential in us becoming something amazing for the long run. Now I’ll never know. I wish we could start over and we could be happy and without hurt like in the beginning and you could be around my family but my mom will never trust me with you and will never welcome you into our home which is one reason I felt this was only temporary rather than the long run. I love you so much I really don’t think you have an idea. You have such an amazing mentality and know how to bring a smile to my face easily. Whoever ends up with you is lucky and I hope she loves you at least as half as much as I do. I wish you the best with the rest of your life and please don’t ever forget me because I know you will always have a special place in my heart.

Love always,
M