Dear “current?” bf,

Hey. You’ll never read this but I feel like I make you doubt yourself and us. I hurt a lot when I think about it. Especially when I hear you talk about other girls. I’m already scarred by past relationships and my own insecurities. I’ve grown up with myself so I know how to deal with them and cover them up. You’re extremely empathetic and it scares me. I feel as though if I tell you all the things that I’m upset about then it’ll make you hurt and scared. I never wanna hurt you the way I’ve been hurt and the way others have hurt you. I know it troubles you when I give you the cold shoulder but it hurts less. I still talk to you. It’s just not my normal over the top silly responses. I’m not too emotional and it’s a real set back some times. I’ve cried more in these past two years then I have in my whole life. It’s really hard to build these walls back up when people are constantly tearing it down. I’m not trying to gain sympathy just understanding that I’m not the best with words. I just wanna say that I’m sorry for being a total jerk face to you and I wish I wasn’t so scared to share how I feel with you and about you. I’m a simple person but the most simple is complexity in the mind.

Thanks, a befuddled Lanze

Ps. Dear anyone who reads this, Thanks for letting me vent. I really needed this and it helps knowing that other people have the same problems and that I’m not alone, that none of us are.
Signed, your fellow Lanze