Before this I was writing you an extremely long love letter, it was going to be my goodbye gift to you. It was full of kind words and all the reasons that I adored you. From the way you would look at me with your side smile, to how you would roll over and pull me in close in the middle of the night. I wrote in it every single day so you could see how much I loved you and see from my perspective how great my last 2 months here were with you. I wrote about how confident I was about our relationship and where I thought it was going.
A once sweet gift now gone sour.
Now that leads us here. instead of giving you nothing I’ve decided to start over. This might not be a love letter anymore but still A letter I need to write.
You had told me that you thought that I deserved somebody better than you. I want you to know that thats not true. Ryan You were everything I ever wanted. you’re an amazing person with such a kind heart but I do deserve somebody that wants to put in the effort no matter the obstacles We face.
Right now I have so many reasons to be upset with you. I feel I’m not worth the effort. I’m mad that it seemed so easy for you, knowing that you didn’t even want to try and I’m mad because every time I think about it I can’t help but cry. You broke my heart and right now I don’t think I will ever get over this. But you’re right. The best way to get over it… is to get on with it.
So, here we go. Im going to skip the phase where I pretend to hate you. I could never hate you. I’ll instead jump straight to forgiveness. I think It will help you and in addition I think it will help me even more. In truth, all of this was truly an amazing experience. I was completely intoxicated by you Ryan. I will always carry so many wonderful memories of this trip. I will never forget how great you were to me, the countless forehead kisses that melted my heart and how small and safe I felt in your arms. Moments I will undoubtably miss and forever hold dear.
I promise this will not define my trip to New Zealand. Instead The friends I’ve made, the memories we shared and the adventures will. But most importantly the fact that I fell in love will define this trip.
Thank you. Thank you from every ounce of my heart for being a part of that. You have given me something that I never thought I believed in. Because of that Ryan, I will always be grateful to you.
A small part of me wishes that youll regret your choice, realize that you were so loved by me and that You’ve made a mistake. However a bigger part of me wishes you nothing but happiness. Obviously it’s what you deserve.
Once I leave I’m hoping these emotions will stay behind along with everything else. I think I’m ready to let go. Knowing that you stole a piece of my heart Ryan and hoping you will always take care of it.
Love always. Sara