That’s how long it’s been since we last had a real conversation.
No matter the amount of time and space between the both of us, one thing’s for sure: You and I are not the same people we once were in 2012.
I can recall the first time we met. I was walking my friend to class when you decided to “tag along.” The moment you joined in on the conversation, I could feel your eyes watch my every move. Every word I spoke seemed to fascinate you. My stomach twisted at every glance from you headed my way; It was a feeling I had never felt before. No one had ever paid attention to me like that. I still hold that moment close to my heart.
Flash forward to when you first asked me out. My innocence unveiled itself as I replied with a soft “Are you sure?” Your nervous laughter muted my anxiety. I felt my excitement beaming from inside of me.
It hurts my heart knowing that we never really got closure. No matter how many times I’ve tried to erase you from my memory, you always seem to arise from the back of my mind. My heart flutters at the idea of what it would be like to hold your hand again. The connection we had was instant. I was addicted to the sound of your voice and the way you would crinkle your nose at every weird joke I’d make.
We were so in love yet we were so immature. I did not know how to communicate my feelings for you, and neither did you. Our lack of experience put our relationship to a halt. We went from talking everyday to not talking at all.
The breakup felt more like an intervention. Walking into a classroom to find you sitting in a circle of our friends, was surely the closest thing I have ever been to making an appearance on Judge Judy. 5 years ago we didn’t know how to “break it off,” which is why I am still left with many unanswered questions.
5 years later, and I still think about you.
We have had our fair share of moments bumping into each other, but never have we had a solid conversation about what once was considered “us.” What hurts even more is knowing that I still see you on a day to day basis. To talk to anyone and everyone else is a breeze, but for you I still have yet to build up the courage to say “Hello” again.
I’m waiting for the day to walk up to you and say: “It’s been 5 years, and I still love you.”
Hopefully one day, but only time will tell.