To the psychologist who empowered his mind, but lost his heart in the process.
You know, I’m just tired. I don’t have the energy anymore. People will judge you no matter what you do. You will be criticized for doing things the right way and you will be criticized for doing things out of the norm. You are criticized. But I’m just tired of having to explain myself. These were my choices. I am the person I am because of them. And that’s okay.
Pain and confusion have lead you to blur what I showed you. I showed parts of myself that I didn’t show others. You felt it was real, because it was. When we were together when I said yes to being your girl, I meant it. I gave it a shot, but I was too paralyzed to love myself, I couldn’t love you. If people talked about me, it’s hurtful that you weren’t able to stop and think for YOURSELF. That’s not her. If I left things the way I did it was because I had thought about things from every angle. It was the only way. For you, and for me.
The person I am today has been through a wide range of mishaps. I just refused to complain, I thought I had to be okay for everyone else when you met me. You right I did try too hard, but It was me fighting through my circumstances, looking at the positives rather than allow everyone else in on how fucked up of an individual I really am. I didn’t want my “problems” to deviate me from the vision I had for myself. But even the hardest wood breaks, and for some, when it does, it loses its potential. I however, choose to be the individual who will throw the wood into a pit and allow it to light the most beautiful flame to light up the world for others. I believe things happen for a reason, and all the dirt that my life has been will be useful to others. I am sorry, sorry you didn’t see the fire.